Inspired Living

Battle Scars & Beauty

2012-01-25T16:54:00.001-08:00

I saw a beautiful showing of art today about the relationship between mother and child, interpreted through the mother's self-reflective point of view. Without getting too much in to it, besides to say that if you live in Atlanta you should absolutely go see it, as all great art does, I'll say that it got me thinking. It got me thinking about a lot of things, in a different way than I'd thought about things in a while. It was one of those experiences where 10 minutes after leaving the exhibit, while driving on the highway on my way home, I started weeping. Weeping at the realization that -- I'm not alone.

All those deep dark feelings and yearnings I have, I'm not the only one. The land I live in so many hours of my life, part fairy tale/part reality tv show, is not in isolation. You know what it got me thinking about? Risk. I have been a Mama for just shy of 11 years. I have 3 children all in elementary school for 7 hours a day. I'm dreaming again--like realistic, I could really do this type dreams. Like, "I want to accomplish this", "I want to create this for real" type of dreams. When the kids were smaller, maybe 2, 3-1/2, and 5, I was dreaming of Caribbean beach towns. I was dreaming of freedom and liberation. Those dreams got me through the day. Now my aspirations include things like starting a business, buying real estate, changing what my daily routine has looked like for the past decade -- risky stuff!

But what is more risky than motherhood? One minute you're responsible for yourself, and maybe a dog. The next minute, you pee on a stick and you're responsible for this being growing inside you. Whatever you do to yourself, you do to this person. You are it's shelter, it's nourishment, it's protection. You body does not belong to you alone anymore--you have a 10 month tenant.

I remember being in Mexico a couple of months before my first child was born. I was rocking my little maternity bikini, feeling good about my body. I pointed out a spot on my stomach that I thought was a bruise, until my husband so graciously advised me that it was a stretch mark. Oh boy. This tenant was damaging the place and I had no security deposit for repairs! Well, I proceeded to watch my belly grow to, what, 20 times it's size? Not just that once, but three times over the course of three years. And my boobs--my poor boobs. Engorged, raw, deflated...they worked hard during their cumulative 20 months of nursing, and they have now checked in for a life of permanent relaxation.

I now have 3 precious children that are my responsibility. It's my job to keep them healthy and safe. Their security lies in my hands. Holding your newborn baby for the first time quickly alerts you to the reality that this person is depending on you completely. Yikes! THAT is scary! Forget buying a rental property--that's nothing compared to what I signed up for by bringing these 3 people in to the world.

So I walk around and notice all the Moms out there. We're so brave! We're living our life out in this body with sagging skin, scars, and extra weight, doing kegels so we don't pee ourselves. We sacrifice our bodies, our memories, our free time, our careers, our vibrancy, and our sporty cars. Maybe not all of us, or maybe not all at once. But becoming a mother is risky business and the weak need not apply. Even if you start out unsure, the ferociousness emerges.

I'd like to think that our pride in this role gives us a new kind of sex appeal. A strength and vitality that draws people to us. I do glance down the tempting path of "getting the physical stuff fixed," but then I see an art exhibit or a pregnant mama, or I look at myself with a little more love and acceptance and tell myself that these are my battle scars. Beauty comes from within so make sure you're glossy and glittery from the inside first. And maybe that will be enough.

No One Ever Told Me...

2011-10-24T07:35:00.001-07:00

I was inspired by a friend's Facebook post lamenting not taking her child off the bottle at one year. Her daughter is now two and it is far more challenging than it would have been, she feels, if she had done it a year ago. Mama advice is priceless. Now, sometimes we nod our heads and say to ourselves, "I'm glad that worked for you, but I am so not doing that." And other times it's just not our choice as the parent. My first Mama advice is always--start getting used to not being in control anymore. A friend may tell you how wonderful it has been to breastfeed their child for 3 years. You honor her dedication and respect her as a mother but you have no intention of whipping out the booby for a running, tantrum-throwing toddler. Or maybe you would love nothing more than to do that but your kid is all about the sippy cup at 10 months old. Or you go back to work and logistically you simply cannot make it happen. Or as hard as you try, you can't breastfeed at all. This advice comes with the best of intentions (most of the time--if it's coming with judgement then who needs it anyway), and often this is where we gain the gems of knowledge that we too will eventually pass down.

There are some things, however, that no one ever told me. Either that or 1) I was too sleep-deprived to retain their wisdom or, 2) I didn't want to hear it because I still thought I was running the show or, 3) I heard it but I didn't really know what it meant. So I've been thinking about this for a couple of days but this list is by no means all-inclusive. I know I'm going to keep learning things and adding to this list as my kids grow. And I know you'll have some things to add as well--please do!! Here's my first stab at Things No One Ever Told Me.

1. Once a parent, always a parent. There is no break from this job.

2. You won't always love your choice to become a parent.

3. Diapers and formula are expensive. But when you're done with them you don't see that money because it goes to preschool. When they're done with preschool you don't see that money because it goes to sports. When they're done with sports you don't ... you get the point.

4. You have to buy a new wardrobe for your child (at least your first born) every season.

5. You'll spend a lot of money on babysitters and/or rely on your family and friends a lot. You can't do it alone.

6. The school day is NOT that long.

7. Sometimes you get pissed at your partner for getting you in this position in the first place.

8. Even public school education is expensive and requires at least a little bit of your time and talent. And a bunch of your cash.

9. You will feel judged.

10. It is really worth it to teach your child good eating habits from the day they start eating.

11. Having 3 kids pretty much removes you from the soft-top Jeep buying category.

12. Vacation with the kids is just like every day with the kids but in a foreign place without all your creature comforts.

13. Pilates is a really good idea before even start thinking about getting pregnant.

14. Even if you do pilates, your stomach still might end up looking like elephant knees.

15. Parenting is hard. Really hard.

I heard a lot about how wonderful being a Mom would be, and it has been. I don't ever want to send my kids back to where they came from but I do long for the days of pre-maternal freedom. I long for a lot of things. There's no doubt in my mind that these kids are worth every sacrifice I've made, but I'm keeping it real. I'm not going to pretend it's all fun and games because it's not. I'm a far better person for having this experience. But just like what my own mom told me would probably happen, I've lost a few marbles...and gained a few gems.

Light and Dark in Balance

2011-09-23T13:57:00.000-07:00

Today is a day that is created in balance. There are as many hours of light as there are of darkness. The high energies of summer mellow into the more introspective energies of autumn. It is time to harvest what sustains us--releasing back into the Earth the things that don't serve us. Life has light and darkness just as this day does. We only see the shining moon because of the light of the sun.

This is a good weekend to consider the dichotomy within ourselves. Letting go of what might be holding us back from reaching the goals we set earlier this year. That can be internally, such as thought patterns, negative self-talk, excuses, fear, and doubt. It can also be environmentally, revisiting the feng shui of your living spaces, paying close attention to the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation area, one of the most yin areas of your home. This is a great space for introspection and intuition. Truly, taking a feng shui tour of all areas of your home will cause you to reconnect with the intentions you have in all areas of your life in order to examine if you're on the right path for the highest success and happiness.

I'm going to spend tomorrow in my bedroom closet, tucking the summer clothes away, giving this little space a good cleaning and letting it breathe for a bit. Then I'll mindfully put the clothes that fit and flatter me back in in respectable order.

It's also a good time to revisit any goals you set and to check in on your progress. I did this for myself and kind of giggled at what I thought was of top importance last January. Life has a way of spinning me on my own axis, and man has it! I'm on track with a lot of what I wanted to accomplish, and some items I am scratching right off my list. Of course, I have new objectives that were not on my horizon nine months ago--and that's okay! It's a great time to charge myself up with things that motivate me right now while still working toward the more enduring achievements I'm striving for.

And I'm proud of where I am on this day rooted in balance. Acknowledging the hard work you have done and the ground that you've covered is vital. Celebrate your victories, and today let go of your shortcomings. Get outside and put your feet on the Earth, understanding the connection we have to the rhythms of the seasons. If it's raining where you are tonight, which I believe it is in many areas of the U.S., step outside and enjoy a few minutes in the cleansing power of the rain. And smile!

Refrigerator Love

2011-09-22T04:41:00.001-07:00

The other day I dedicated 20 minutes to someone that works hard every day for me and my family. She endures the stress of us pulling and hanging on her, and she keeps us safely nourished and hydrated. She helps us get going first thing in the morning and can provide us a little comfort late at night. She's big and strong and cool.

Cleaning my refrigerator is like a ritual. It's an act of gratitude. This is how we need to treat all of our belongings, and our appliances are of optimum importance in Feng Shui. The kitchen itself is the hub of our homes these days. Not only are they the room where we go for storing, preparing, and eating our food, we use our kitchens to gather, to do homework, to pay bills, and to play games. A lot of creativity happens in a kitchen.

In Feng Shui the kitchen, and specifically our appliances, represent prosperity and well-being. The stove is of the utmost importance. Keep your stove sparkling clean, use all the burners, replace missing knobs, and keep it in good working order--that's the recipe for good finances. If your faucet is leaking, that can me a metaphor for money slowly trickling out of your bank account. Do you have funky stuff growing in a tupperware container in the back of your fridge? If so, take care of it and see if your health improves a little bit. Want to clear your head and feel a little less stressed? Pull out the all-natural all-purpose cleaner and scrape the splatters and spills out of your microwave.

It may sound a little out-there to think that the condition in which you keep your kitchen appliances can reflect on the quality of your life, but you know how good you feel when it all gets a deep cleaning. It's renewing and refreshing, and even inspiring! It makes me want to open up a cookbook and create something new. A kitchen nourishes the body and the soul. Treat it and everything that is in it with tender loving care. That energy will come back to you.

9/12 Steps Toward Peace on Earth

2011-09-12T11:08:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked ten years since the 9/11 attack on the United States. I remember I was sitting on the couch with my sweet baby girl (she was about 11 weeks old) watching Matt Lauer interview someone (could you imagine if that was you he was interviewing?) when he stopped to let us know about the first plane. We all know how the rest of that day went. I couldn't wait for my husband to get home from work so we could all be together. As long as we were together it was all going to be alright. I think we even took the dog with us to the local pub to watch what was happening while surrounded by our neighbors. Sharing in this terrible moment in history made me feel a little bit better, a little bit safer.

And then there was September 12. The next day. A new day. We knew a little bit about what had happened but the uncertainty was still there. Things were different...for all Americans. I remember looking at people and feeling connected to them because we shared this day. We were all part of a club--a club that no one wants to join but definitely unites and bonds us together. I looked at people and wondered if they knew someone who perished that day. Maybe they were married to a firefighter. Did they have family far away that they wouldn't see for a long time because they were going to be too afraid to fly in a plane? Were they a Middle Eastern American who would feel discriminated against or judged from now on? Did they look at me and wonder if I doubted my decision to bring a baby in to such a scary world?

Today is September 12. Resemblances of ten years ago linger for me today. We won't ever be the same. But if we can look at strangers on the street and consider their suffering, their fears, their love, their hopes, and their humanity then that is a step toward making this world a better place.

I'm starting with myself. I pledge to be gentle with myself. I know that I am a good person and that most days I do my best at all I endeavor to achieve--the important stuff, anyway. I'm looking at my family and remembering that although we're part of the same family unit we are individuals, each with different challenges and aspirations. My community will be a little bit stronger when I remember that although my neighbor's life looks a lot like mine, I've never walked in their shoes. By embracing each American's right to their own opinions, lifestyles, and choices I am making this great country just a bit more harmonious. And acknowledging that we were all put here on this planet for a reason, and that we all have the potential to fuel our lives with love rather than hate...that will bring a little bit more peace on Earth.

Imagine if we ALL did that?

How to Gain Freedom by Working the To-Do List

2011-08-29T08:07:00.001-07:00

A lot of people I know have been tackling "projects" lately. These projects tend to be laborsome, not always fun jobs around the house that just need to get done. We have a list, mental or hard-copy, of these things that are weighing on us. The places in our home that drive us crazy. They make us sigh or scream whenever we are in that space, and we swear we are going to do something about this! As soon as I have time...as soon as I get my bonus...as soon as the kids are in school...as soon as...

What if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your health? Would you deal with that project sooner if you knew it could help your migraines? Or what if you knew that the energy of that space was directly related to your career? Would it become more of a priority if you knew it could help you get out from under the pile of busy work you have to do so you could be more efficient and affective, doing the work that you enjoy?

Let's make a list of some of those projects--I'll just take a look at projects that are/have been bogging me down:

- closets: organizing and purging

- yard: clearing out debris and generally tidying and cleaning up

- car: vacuuming and removal of kid-related rubbish

- pantry: tossing expired/stale items, cooking with what I have

- playroom: sorting toys to be donated, toys to throw away, reintroducing old toys to spark new creativity in the kids

I could go on, and I know you have your own lists that are scrolling through your brain. Remember the last time you started AND COMPLETED one of these projects? How GOOD does that feel?! It helps us breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and think a little clearer when we devote our energy and intention to delving in to these spaces and clearing them out. What if you knew by doing this you would feel less stressed? You will!

I find that Mondays are a day when people start anew. What I want you to do today is pick one of your projects, make it a manageable one (I'm not talking paint the house or something major like that--unless you're really ambitious and driven to do it!). Give yourself a deadline. I'm going to help you--your deadline is this Sunday at 1:00pm. Now take a look at your calendar. Can you start today? Find the pockets of time you have in the next week and write your project on your calendar. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your own well-being. Dedicating time to this is a gift to yourself, even if it's not the most enjoyable exercise to go through. The next step is big--DO IT. You may live in disarray for a bit since this is probably something that can't be completed in one sitting. Active chaos is much better than inactive chaos, and the end product is worth the mess.

Take a before picture for me, then at 1:00 on Sunday step back and look. Then close your eyes and take a deep breath and realize that even though your eyes are closed you can still FEEL a difference. Smile, and pour yourself a mimosa, a coffee, a bloody mary, a beer, a milkshake, a green tea, an ice water with lemon, whatever your celebratory treat may be and be thankful to yourself for the gift you've just given and received.

I bet by this time next week you'll be reading my next blog feeling a little lighter and a bit more prepared to tackle the week that lies ahead.

Happy Feng Shui'ing!

I am a student of LIFE

2011-08-25T08:12:00.000-07:00

My best friend is back at the college campus where we met (gulp) 20 years ago, this time starting up her Masters Program. She is walking around campus watching the parents drop off their child at their dorm, or their first apartment, or their last year at the sorority house. We got nostalgic about the old bars we frequented and the parties we attended. To think back to that time and consider how naive I was. These kids that are arriving at college think they know it all. Leaving the nest and vying in the real world on their own for the first time. Man, I learned a lot in those 4 years. A year and a half in the Business School, two and a half years in the School of Human Development, and 4 solid years in the School of Learn From Your Mistakes.

That period of our lives, in our late teens and early twenties are so full of learning. I look at my elementary school-aged kids now and am amazed at their propensity for grasping new concepts. And we've all heard how toddlers can pick up a second language so much easier than anyone else. My friend is in her late 30's and is embarking on this next level of higher education--knowing so much more than she did when she was in college a couple decades ago. Reflecting on my own life I marvel at how I have changed and grown since becoming a mother 10 years ago. Ten years from now I'll have three children leaving my nest and commencing the stage of learning that only happens by jumping in with both feet. Whoa--scary! (For Mom!) But it's a necessary part of life. Thank goodness they have me to prepare them for it now ;).

Life IS learning. We are on this planet for a finite amount of time and our task is to learn and grow. I know people who didn't go to college but have had experiences that make them some of the wisest people I know. In turn, I know people with a couple of degrees who I wonder if "they'll ever learn." Not everyone is open to receive the teaching in what life offers us every day. That is what I want to foster in my kids. The inquisitiveness to question, the receptivity to accept, and the humility to know that there is always something new to gain, something to help us become wiser, kinder, happier, and higher.

2011-08-20T12:57:00.000-07:00

These are some frightening "before" pictures of my office. I was deeply in need of a space for me to close off the rest of my house and the rest of my life and BE.

Be creative. Be thoughtful. Be organized. Be deliberate. Be INSPIRED!!

After about a month of procrastinating and feeling the weight of this space on my shoulders (you know that feeling--it shows us the connection our bodies have to our environments) I have created a beautiful, vibrant, and thoroughly enjoyable space! See the "after" shots...

aaaaahhhhhh~~~

This place makes me happy !

Have a great weekend, y'all!

The First Day of the Rest of my Life

2011-08-15T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's the first day of school. I have been home with my 3 kids for 81 days (minus 2 for a quick trip to my high school reunion). If I think of my energy sources, my patience, my joie de vivre as a fountain, my flow is down to a slow trickle. Now, I am I happy to say that I'm better off than I have been in years past, where my fountain was bone dry on the first day of school. Moms can relate--maybe anyone can relate to the fact that even something (or someone) that you love so much can just zap the life out of you if you don't have a little variety from time to time. Yes, Mamas, we should take care of ourselves. So we have more to give our families, so we don't lose touch with the women we were before we had kids. La la la...it's so cliche now. When it comes down to it, caring for our children is in a sense caring for ourselves. It is a calling I've had deep in my soul my entire life and maybe I didn't exercise regularly this summer, maybe I didn't read a single book, maybe I proclaimed "it's 5:00 somewhere!" too many times, but I am living the life I've always dreamed of--the life of a Mom.

Another cliche that is boring me to tears is the idea that we can attain balance as women. I now think of balance as I think of happiness. You don't 'get to' happiness...it's a flow, it's how you are as you travel life's ups and downs, it's an awareness that this moment is good. Life is ever changing so I don't see how the typical definition of balance can be attained. Can we really have equal distribution of time/attention going to work, and play, and family, and friends, and self, and God, and the grocery store? Just for kicks I looked up the definition of balance and found a new way that I am going to think of balance: mental steadiness or emotional stability. We may be thrown a huge project at work that forces us to work longer hours, or our child may get strep throat which keeps us tending to them rather than performing our household duties--our time may not be balanced but if through all of this we remain steady and calm--and happy--well, that spells success to me.

So how did my fountain get so depleted? Traveling with the family, a very lose schedule, staying up late every night, not checking in with myself to connect with my gratitude...I have many lessons for myself. For now I am going to work on filling up my fountain again. Today I'll add a bucket, tomorrow it might just be a few drops, but eventually, with focus and persistence, it will be flowing again. But this is my life...made up of many, many days, each offering me a chance to reflect and grow. As a whole I look at my life and I am grateful and I call it a happy life. My task is to live that each moment of each day, because every day is the first day of the rest of our lives.

Seashell Meditation

2011-07-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Written after a walk on the beach last week...

Walking down the beach, pausing to pick up whatever orange seashell catches my eye. There are thousands of shells dusting the shoreline but I want only the deepest orange (a color I have been drawn to probably since I became an Orangeman at Syracuse University in 1991 but it has stuck with me for different reasons since then). For one of the plethora to catch my eye and cause me to stop my consistent gate…I pick it up, rub the sand off with my fingers, making sure it’s no one’s current home, then put in my collection bag.

The sound of the waves completing and resting over the tops of my feet. This particular beach in Florida has more trash than I prefer to see—well, I prefer to see no trash on the beach, but what I can’t pick up I see as a distraction from my walking meditation.

The word, or is it the name, GRACE written in shells just upshore. The squeals of little children running to their father, asking “Daddy, can I take my shirt off?” There are a good number of Haitian families here and their beach attire is different than what we’re accustomed to. Yes, child, take off your shirt. Take it all in.

My focus goes back to the scan of the wet sand for my orange shells. Oh—a really cool striped grey and white shell. That’s worth holding on to. Literally. Holding it in my hand. Connecting with the uniqueness of this, and each other shell that I lift from the Earth. The ocean reminds me of the vastness of this planet and the connectedness of us all—people, plants, water, animals, sea creatures, each grain of sand between my toes. For one shell to catch my eye and for me to make this a part of my world…it’s a mindful practice, shell hunting.

Looking up to catch a glimpse of the high rise hotel. This is not my idea of beauty. I look to the East and instead gaze upon the cloud formations just above the horizon. I notice the fine mist of rain dusting my forehead. I hadn’t realized it was raining a minute ago.

Cool! Smooth rocks and a really great stone that looks like years of sentiment have built up to create this beautiful one-of-a-kind gem that has found it’s temporary home directly in my path.

What a gift, what a treasure, to be able to walk the shore and take in the gifts that nature has to offer: the mist, the sea, the shells and stones, the children, and the clouds. At one point I almost felt compelled to make the sign of the cross. A symbol of reverence more relative to my younger years, I realize I’m deeply moved and connected not only to my environment but to my higher self. Hands in prayer at hearts center is more of my current mudra. I continued and walked grateful on my path, and plan to carry all of this with me.

Tips for Wealth & Prosperity

2011-07-13T05:52:00.000-07:00

There are certain life energies that resonate with different zones in our homes. This may sound kind of "woo-woo" to you, and I could start talking a bit about Quantum Physics (Who am I kidding? I can't really have a conversation about Quantum Physics.), or you can try to just embrace it and give it a try.

We can agree that where your thoughts and attention go, energy goes. Yes? Okay, so let's talk about the energy that goes to the Wealth & Prosperity area of our homes. In very general terms, when you walk in the front door of your house (which you should use as your main entrance whenever possible) to to the far left corner of your house. If you have an attached porch or deck, this should be considered part of the footprint of your space. This general area is where your Wealth & Prosperity energy lives.

What's there now?

If it has clutter of any sort--an overflowing closet, a messy desk, a collection of broken pots and dead plants--clear that out! Dedicate your time and energy to cleaning it up and getting rid of whatever doesn't say MONEY to you. And let's think about that--what does say money to you? Pictures of grand travels you want to take? A luxury car? A new kitchen? Or what about playing golf every week or going to the spa on a regular basis? As you're doing your cleaning and purging visualize yourself doing/being/having what looks like "the good life" to you--whatever that may be.

Once you've got this space all cleared out and sparkling, you can use some elements to enhance the good energy, the life force energy--the chi in the Wealth & Prosperity of your life. If it's an outdoor space adding something that moves in the wind is a great choice. Think windchimes (maybe with coins that jingle in the breeze?), whirly-gigs, flags, etc. Flowers or feeders that attract birds and/or butterflies are also great here.

The color purple is very powerful in this area of your home, as are jewel tones--rich ruby reds, golds, and deep royal blues. The fire element gets things moving, like candles, lamps, and triangular or conical shapes. And a trickling fountain is a wonderful enhancement for this area (just make sure the water isn't flowing toward the outside of your house, like money flowing out--you want it flowing in.

You can walk in to any room in your house or office and apply the same fixes. You always find the back left of the space based on the main entrance to the room. My website has a diagram of how the life energies map out over your floor plan. Your main entrance is (almost) always going to fall in either the Knowledge & Self-Cultivation, the Career, or the Helpful People & Travel area. http://cristinzinspiredliving.com/feng_shui.html

I hope this gives you some Wealth & Prosperity inspiration this morning! Happy enhancing!

peace, love, and wild riches~

Happy Independence Day!

2011-07-05T15:27:00.000-07:00

I spent last night watching the students of the local ballroom dancing school perform in the town square in a small central Florida town. There was free ice cream, a bounce house for the kids, even a couple baby tigers from the local animal preserve. Maybe a couple hundred people, lots of young families, lots of old folks—just gathering for some good ‘ol American fun.

I stood watching the patrons and participants, imagining how different their lives are from mine. Me, a girl from a middle class family in Massachusetts, raising my family in a middle class suburb just outside Atlanta. I sensed a lot of these people never left their hometown. They lived a simpler life it seemed.

How often do we observe the people around us and identify all the ways in which we’re different. Why is that? For me to be plopped in this little town center I felt like I was in a different world, a different time. But if I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture, me and all of those people as a snapshot compared to the rest of the world, well, we aren’t so different from one another. Parents raising families, younger generations caring for the aging, gathering to celebrate Independence Day in this great country.

Life changes so quickly (or persistently) and sometimes it’s not so easy to figure out our place in this world. So we look at the people around us to try to measure against some barometer. It’s like we use the process of elimination to figure out what we’re not by looking at the ways in which we’re different from the people around us. This can reveal our core values, showing us what we want to be/have/do with our lives, or showing us what we don’t want to emulate.

The exercise that I’m focusing on these days, however, is to find the ways in which I am similar to the people, not only in my own community, but in the world at large. Our paths can be drastically different, the life that we’re born in to can be worlds apart. My situation is simpler than so many. I don’t feel that my challenges are really any harder than anyone else’s. I realize I am fortunate, so fortunate. I always reflect around the 4th of July holiday what it means to be born a white person in America with a wealth of opportunities available to me. But put all that aside—we are one human race sharing a finite time on this planet. I want to connect with people by finding whatever I can that makes us the same—sharing in those life experiences that we all have.

I’m a woman. I’m a mother. I’m a partner, a daughter, a sister. I believe in freedom. I value creative expression and following a spiritual path. I admire hard work. I know that laughter heals and binds people together. I feel that if we all speak, listen, and act from the heart then the time we’re sharing right now is going to be better.

Deep down in the core we’re all the same. If we can peel back all the layers that keep us apart--all those worldly things that make our lives look so vastly different--imagine how peaceful the world would be.

Happy Birthday America~

New Lessons Learned

2011-06-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along the way I learned that taking care of myself was an indulgence. Massages were a treat on vacation. Facials were when the winter wind chapped my face so badly it needed repair. Pedicures were for weddings.

A new chiropractor asked me if I have down time every day. If I exercise and stretch. Do I get enough sleep each night? Do I drink plenty of water? Somewhere I learned along the way that it is silly for me, a Mom/wife/woman to prioritize these things in my day. I learned that what I do for others is more important than what I do for myself.

Annual doctors visits. Dental check-ups every 6 months. Getting adjusted every couple of weeks. A yoga class every Friday.
OR
An oil change every 3,000 miles. Piano lessons for the kids. Laundry. Volunteering in the classroom. Paying the bills. Going to the grocery store. Again.

Why do the things on the self-care list seem more acceptable to put off than the things on the care-for-others list?

When did DOING become more meaningful than BEING?

I began to see the flaw in this learning several years ago and I started to change it. I'll leave wilting flowers and a stack of mail to go kayak on the river for 45 minutes. I'll wake up early so I can go for a walk before my husband goes to work. I'll bake scones instead of unloading the dishwasher. I'm getting there, and I feel like I'm a good example to other women out there who don't deem themselves worthy of being at the top of their own to-do list.

I want to give myself 30 minutes each day to read. I can't seem to do it. I want to meditate--but at least I know I'm not alone in the world of wanna-be-meditators. I want to have a health maintenance routine that includes chiropractic, body work, yoga, healthful eating, date night, writing, and spending time in nature. I don't want to feel guilty or overindulgent about it. I want to help teach other women/wives/mothers that this is the way to a happy and fulfilled life. Each day is one more opportunity to become more whole. By filling it with "what I did" I'm taking a little bit away from "who I am." Or at least I'm not contributing to the essence of who I want to be.

I'm realistic too...I recognize that some days shit just has to get done. The Universe doesn't revolve around me--I understand. i'm not saying that everyone around me needs to suffer so I can get a bubble bath on Sunday morning. I'm just declaring that I'm letting go of the guilt. I'm rejecting the learning of 38 years and I'm going to treat this body and soul the way that every body and soul deserves to be treated. LIke anything that's worthwhile, it's not going to be easy. But maybe if I have others making the same commitment we can support each other. Who's with me? What's your promise to your higher self?

peace, love, and dental floss...

Time Suckage

2011-06-14T17:51:00.000-07:00

I took my kids to the library today and ventured to the quieter adult section to find a book on Hindu Mythology, a recent interest. In the same section, an area chock-full of fascinating materials from yoga to cyclopses, I pulled a book from the shelves that looked interesting from the spine. After holding it in my hands for about a minute I realized I have already read it cover to cover. I checked it out of this same library maybe--I don't know--maybe 2 years ago. It was recommended to me by the librarian checking me out. I went back to the stacks to find it, her review so glowing. I devoured it, finding inspiration on every page. As I was holding it today I was thrilled at the prospect of revisiting this piece. But when did I find the time to read it the first time? I recall sitting on the futon in my home office, I remember making notes, probably even blogging about the paths my thoughts travelled as I contemplated the messages in this text. When did I find time to blog? I love blogging! I love reading books that inspire me and make me think and ponder!

How did I lose this time?!

It's pathetic that it's a cliche now, but Facebook is a huge culprit. Damn it, woman! Check out already. Check out and CHECK IN. I have never been good at time management or prioritization. There is something magnetic--like those giant horseshoe type magnets--about Facebook. But I cower to think about how many hours I have wasted being a voyeur in other people's lives. And I'm a poster--I post a lot. I get pretty good feedback...I think I'm pretty good at it. But really, if I didn't share that funny thing that my kid said or the "check out the cool thing I'm doing right now" picture would my life be any worse? I'm not going to say I'm stopping, I'm just making a consideration.

And as a Mom of young children, they change every year and season-to-season things are not the same. This summer is a completely different experience than last summer. It requires constant readjusting and refocusing. It's hard to keep up! My kids are changing at a much faster pace than I am and that's nature, but I have to make the time to nurture my own change as we go. I need to keep reading (or rereading!). I need to keep writing. I need to keep my eye on my personal goals and do something to step closer to them each and every day. And I need to be present enough to recognize when those goals morph in to something different and direct even a little bit of energy to snapping a new line between here and my new destination.

I love Facebook, really. And I love my kids. And I love my kids' school. And I love cooking meals. And I love exercise. And I love my girlfriends. And I love housework. Ha! No I don't! But I try to love it as I'm doing it because it has to be done.

I need to love myself enough to work my own life mission, the discovery of my passion, the quiet, contemplative time back in to my daily schedule. I need to put it on my Google calendar. I need to be willing to drop everything and retreat inside--and stay there a while.

Gosh, writing this felt SO GOOD!!

peace, love, and Spiritual Literacy (the book I checked out of the library again)~

2011-04-09T16:22:00.001-07:00

I am not perfect. And to me it's so much easier to like myself because I'm not. What is perfect? It's to be without flaws, and none of us are flawless. So perfection is just an illusion. Perfection is something we create in our minds based on what we think others would like or expect. And what we would like or expect of ourselves is what we would seek in others, right? The fact of the matter is we all have cracks in our veneer, and I'm back on the path to embracing mine.

You know those book cases you buy that have the hard shell on the outside but inside it's just particle board? Little by little, with each move and bump and spill that shell cracks or peels and the material underneath begins to swell and warp. This book shelf is considered somewhat disposable. Sure, occasionally we are able to use that college book case decades after you graduated. Sometimes it holds up to the wear and tear. It still doesn't have much character though.

I want to be sure the essence of what I'm made of is pure. Solid, strong, quality stuff. We all have an outer layer that we show the world around us. We see someone in line at the grocery store and we can tell a story in our heads as to who they are...what those superficial elements of their life may be...tennis player, busy mom, landscaper, high school basketball player. But those veneers can't really express what we're made of. Our core, the deep and complex substance that makes us each individuals, beautifully unique, cannot be seen from the outer layer we move through life in.

My vulnerabilities, my weaknesses, they make me who I am. But for every soft spot I have that might make me lose it all together I've got 3 hard-as-nails strengths that will prevent that from happening. My weaknesses show me the areas where I can grow. That's the stuff I'm working on. That is the work of life. The cracks in my veneer? I celebrate them. They're the spots where my true self peeks through, the real me that I'm not afraid to show the world. I'd rather spend my energy working on the core stuff then to expend it all trying to maintain a glossy finish. If we spend too much time doing that then before we know it, we're just candy coated particle board.

Don't get me wrong, I like living in a world where there is so much that is pleasing to my eye. I love costume jewelry and Banana Republic pants (because they're the only ones that make my butt look good) and I adore my hair stylist who knows that I like to keep it funky (anything that doesn't look too suburban mom-ish). I could say I go to the gym just for the cardiovascular benefits. And I like to sit at the coffee shop and watch the people come in and out, pretending I know what their life might be like. That's really just my creative imagination. I'm probably making up stories for them that solve the deeper questions I ask about myself. I fix my own flaws in the stories I create about other people. We all do it. We're human. But deep down we all are made of richer, more gorgeous stuff than can ever be seen by the eye. And I like to think the little scratches on my surface, my imperfections--they sometimes show through, right along with the surface dings and love handles. And maybe they make someone else feel okay with the same thing in themselves. Maybe I can help someone relax enough to see that it's those things that make us beautiful.

That's what I'm working on.

peace, love, and antique furniture...

Be gentle today

2011-03-28T05:03:00.001-07:00

Do you feel like big things are happening? I sense we're in the swirl of a large shift as exhibited by an intensity in natural occurances, emotions, and interactions. I was awake at 1:00am listening to frequent rumbling thunder that lasted 10 seconds or more. Then again at 5:30 I woke to the same storm, still right over my head it seemed. I don't recall such a persistent storm in my adult life. The earthquake and tsunami in Japan is still reeling in everyone's mind. Myanmar was then struck by an earthquake. The Super Moon on the Spring Equinox. Closer to home emotions seem to be running higher. Sensitivity is at it's pique. I sense a general feeling of unsettledness. My advice--be gentle. Take it easy. Take a breath. Exercise, drinking plenty of water, and eating healthy will help cleanse and balance our bodies. Plenty of sleep and quiet time will calm our minds. Keep it simple. We can't solve the problems of the world and we can't change the challenges in our own lives unless we come from a central place of calm and love. Soften around the things that make you aggitated. A shift is just that, a change from one direction to another. Like all change, you can fight it or you can go with it. Change is inevitable, and if you focus on the positive that is what will appear on the other side of this shift. So take today for what it is. "What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind." (Buddha)

Stalled between Winter and Spring

2011-03-23T10:37:00.000-07:00

Little bulbs are popping up and blooming right next to where I step out of my car. I don't remember planting them last fall. In fact, I thought I planted bulbs the year before but they never bloomed. At any rate, each time I arrive home I open my door and am greeted by these gorgeous orange and yellow faces staring at me saying "spring is here!" With the windows open I can hear the chatter of the various birds greeting each other after a long winter away. It sounds so different than the cool silence of the past season. My vine is green again and it's little purple flowers are beckoning all the bees to our back deck. The chimes are blowing in the breeze.

I love the dependability of spring. Change is constant in our environment and I find comfort in the predictability of the change of seasons. We always know what is coming next. Some years are rainier than others, some years bring devastating acts of nature, some years are scorchers. But we know that after winter comes spring which always heats up to summer, then followed by the crisp reprieve of fall and back to the chill of winter again. Change is constant. And it's not only constant in our environment--it is constant within each of us.

I want to grow and evolve as a person. I want to make a positive impact and learn from the challenges I'm faced with. Why can't I see and appreciate the things that have gone dormant in myself? Why can't I see the gift of this awareness being like the tiny bud that can grow in to something beautiful? But WHAT and WHEN?! I can't know that! I can't see what is coming up around the corner--what that change is going to be and how it is going to affect me.

I have to have faith.

Faith .. Strength .. Endurance .. Patience .. Presence .

I'm finding it hard to find the joy in the monotonous routine of my life. I can think of a million things that fill me with joy--I am abundantly blessed. But I'm eager to know--what's next? It's as if nothing is new, but everything is new...all at the same time. Is that where the saying "the more things change, the more they stay the same" comes from? I have to know that each moment and each experience is a gift. We don't go to sleep on a snowy night and wake up to the world in full bloom. There is a process...a constantly working system unfolding deep in the places we don't see with the human eye. And it's happening to me now too. My frustration, fatigue, my searching...it's all a part of my process. I may not see and opening of petals or a juicy tomato at the end. There is no end...

The process is the journey, and the journey is the purpose.

"Ah-ha!" moments are nice though. I think I could use an ah-ha moment. In the meantime, I'm going to change things up in my environment a bit to go along with the changes going on internally. Bath before dinner, music during homework, fresh orange in my margarita!! Maybe just a few little shifts will help me find the joy in even the most tedious of tasks. After all, I wouldn't appreciate the spring so much if I didn't endure the winter. And I'll remember do what Ralph Waldo Emerson said to do--"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."

peace, love, and spring showers...

What a week can do

2011-03-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

I'm happy, it's true. I think when my kids were younger, like babies, was the last time I wasn't happy. And of course, it's not that I didn't love them or wasn't appreciative of the life I have. I just wasn't happy. What used to be so physically demanding with 3 kids born within 3 years of each other is now mentally fatiguing. Besides keeping up with the schedules, commitments, homework, projects, and to-do lists, it's the conversations I'm having with my kids as well. I always wanted to be the mom who snuggles with their kids and talks through their problems with them. But these things require thinking and delicate wording. And I think about them when they're not with me and wonder how they're handling a challenging relationship or if they're practicing good self-control. I want to check in with them and see how thing are going--I want to stay on top of the things that are important to them in their lives. In many ways, I'm forced to be more in the moment than ever before.

I used to have the calendar for at least the next week programmed in my brain. I started packing for a trip a week before we left. I had our summer schedule sketched out to be sure we wouldn't miss registration for summer camp. These days it's so much more day-by-day. With babies it's day-by-day too, but I got through it by planning for the fun stuff ahead. Now I'm running out for road snacks the night before a trip for which I have no detailed itinerary. And I realize that all of that is just fine! But it's new...it's a new normal for me, and it takes some getting used to.

If I were to compare it to a corporate job, it's like I've been reassigned to a new team. Still working for the same great organization, still drinking the same Kool-aid, I just need to learn a new set of standard practices. And in doing so, I need to stay grounded and not let the days and weeks escape me in the flurry of activity.

I've gotten back in to my yoga practice which has been so helpful to me. You know, I started to panic a little when I saw Susie Orman telling me on the TV that I'll never have enough money to retire or send my kids to college. And reading in one of my magazines that unless I commit to 30 minutes of vigorous cardio exercise at least 5 days a week I can plan on gaining at least 5 pounds every year from here on out. AAAHHHH!! What are we doing this all for?!

Then this divine yoga instructor tells me to work on pulling my rib cage in. That's it. So that's what I've been doing. I've been mindful of my rib cage--and it feels so wonderful! I can do something! I can do something for me, right now, that feels good and will make my life better moving forward. Each day as I motor through all the commitments that I have made (for myself and for each of the rest of my family for whom I make commitments), I must do something for me. I must quiet my mind and reflect on where I am in this journey. I must listen to my children with all my heart. I must make choices that leave the most of me accessible to my little tribe. And I must be willing to let some things go. I feel like for many weeks I just haven't been aware of the state I was in. Now that I know better, I'm going to do better. Just knowing that makes me feel so empowered.

Incomplete post from about a week ago...

2011-03-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

My last blog post was December 27, and it was the 4th part of what was supposed to be a 5 part series. This seems somewhat indicative of how my life has been going, now that we're in to March already (can you believe it?!). I have been just as busy as a bee. After spending the fall running around with 3 kids in different activities, a new role as Environmental Education Chair with the PTA, new teachers, my sister's wedding, a couple weekend getaways, and a kitchen renovation, I began 2011 with a craving for "home time." I missed cooking for my family and the energy that swirls around in what was known as the witching hour when the kids were toddlers. Now it's homework and stories of the day's events, battling to keep the technology off and the family connecting. I've been reading the same novel since September. I still am not meditating or journaling. My mom is ready to disown me because I don't stay in touch. But I'm happy! My life is so full. I love this pace of life (well, I wish it were a tad slower to be honest) and I signed up for this chaos when I had 3 children.

As a home composter, recycler, and general nature lover, this PTA position just seemed like a natural fit. I think it's really important for me to get involved in my kids school (they're all 3 at the same school right now)--the parental involvement is a big part of what makes it such a fabulous school. But what started off as a relatively low commitment role, I have morphed in to a bigger endeavor. I started an environmental club with 4th and 5th graders and am getting them involved in some really cool projects and field trips. I really just started this because I wanted to go tree climbing (which we'll be doing in April). And then I have 2 girls in Girl Scouts. I'm not troop leader or anything (bless those women!) but I've got to do my part to help out. Add on all the school projects and parties, and the lacrosse, ice skating, music, and swimming...

What's missing here is ME. Like I said, I'm really happy and I'm really enjoying all these undertakings because they all speak to my passions. My life is overflowing with wonderfully rewarding avocations. But something is missing. There's a connection that has been dropped, a curtain that has been drawn. It wasn't until I went back to one of my favorite yoga studios and practiced with enchanting instructor that I saw it. And I felt it.

Touch

2010-12-27T07:51:00.000-08:00

Touch is a fun sense. Well, they're all fun, aren't they? Like sound, taste, and smell that I've written about already, touch can trigger emotions and internal change. I guess that's why God gave us these wonderful senses. So we could interact with the physical world around us and have experiences that change us spiritually. Everything we come in contact with has the ability to move us closer to the Divine.
As infants we need to be held and swaddled. It develops the feeling of safety and protection needed to thrive. The deep connection between a baby and his parents is undoubtedly linked to the physical contact shared in those early years. A mother's hug is a magical healer and a father's embrace brings simple security. Expressing love in a physical way is so important when raising young children, although each individual child may seek that in a different way. My oldest daughter loves a hug--as often and as long as I can give her. My youngest daughter is a cuddler--she wants to climb up on my lap and crawl all over me. My son is more subdued--he's a hand-holder and likes to press his cheek to mine.
There are times when we just crave the touch of someone we love. That first embrace after being apart for a while is like sunshine. There is obviously a very sensuous aspect to touch as well. The right touch at the right time can raise your body temperature and send off sparks in all sorts of nerve endings. Awesome!
The sense of touch is what you use when you "feel" something--interesting that feeling and touching mean the same thing because our feelings--our emotions--can be so effected by our sense of touch. It's the most intimate of the five senses. Having another human touch your human body gives our spiritual selves a connection to another spiritual being here on Earth.
Petting a cat lowers blood pressure. Getting a massage releases toxins from the body. A tight hug calms a frantic child. A tickle results in uncontrollable laughter. A high-five bonds two people in celebration.
Think about what you communicate to someone when using your sense of touch. A firm handshake, a hand on an arm during a difficult conversation, a brush of the cheek when saying goodnight. Your touch can make another person feel comforted, special, loved, and heard. And we need to be receptive to other people doing this for us as well. It's so easy to breeze by one another in our harried lives and not make those connections. Let's strive in the New Year to slow down and hold hands more often, pat more shoulders, slow dance in the kitchen, and thumb wrestle with your favorite little person.

peace, love, and HUGS...

Smell

2010-12-21T09:13:00.000-08:00

I got a facial a few days ago and for an hour I relished in the decadence of lavender then coconut milk then rose water then honey being gently brushed, tapped, and spritzed on my face. Each separate balm or crème or tonic immediately clicked something in my brain. I inhaled the aroma and I physiologically changed. The power of scent is very strong. It actually is the sense most directly linked to the brain (and the emotional part of the brain at that), causing more immediate reactions than any of the other senses. Memories are attached to smells, good and bad. Sometimes we have aversions to certain smells—my husband can’t stand the smell of seafood, my mother is very sensitive to musky odors. On the other hand, I asked some readers what smells they loved: cloves, clean kids, a freshly mown lawn. Scents can stir up emotions and transport us to a different time or place. Who doesn’t smell coconut and think of the beach or pine and have visions of the Christmas tree.

Scents can also be used to balance our bodies. I am fascinated with aromatherapy and hope to incorporate it in my Feng Shui practice. I love essential oils and use them to treat different conditions such as sinus congestion, anxiety, and skin irritation. Every person’s body chemistry calls for a unique blend of smells to balance, calm, or invigorate. I look forward to studying this art and science (most likely this will appear on my Goals for 2011).

Like many things in life, we should just do what we like! Surround yourself with what makes you feel good. I burn candles all the time—sometimes it’s spicy herbal scents and sometimes its sweet vanilla, or cleansing citrus. Aim to open your windows for half an hour each day if that fresh air makes a difference in your home. Keep a sleeve of cookie dough in your fridge for impromptu baking if that nostalgic smell lifts your spirits. Have a sample size of your favorite perfume or a bottle of your go-to oil blend on hand for those times when you are overwhelmed by an unpleasing smell in your environment.

Looking forward to the New Year and considering the change and personal development we intend to work on, I thought I’d throw out the idea of using the sense of smell to aid in our success. Let’s say getting more active is a goal for 2011. Sore and achy muscles might be a hindrance to success. Try soaking in a chamomile or ginger bath. If you are aiming to live 2011 with your glass half full, try the uplifting scents of rose or bergamot. When working to learn new skills or manage your money more responsibly, rosemary can help with clear thinking and focus.

I must admit, as I write this entry my sinuses are clogged and the only smell that is squeaking through my swollen nasal passages is that of fresh stain on my new kitchen cabinets. It’s funny how the sense of smell has played such a big role in my life the past week. I’m going to go find my eucalyptus oil and set the intention to use this magnificent tool, my sense of smell, to support the work I do in 2011. More to come in this department, for sure.

peace, love, and smellin’ the roses…

Hearing

2010-12-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

Grinch: "That's one thing I hate. All the noise, noise, noise, NOISE."
That's for sure--at the end of the year we are bombarded with a cornucopia of auditory stimuli. There are the pleasant sounds of Christmas carols, the Salvation Army bell, sideline whistles at the football game, and squeals from kids as they spot Santa or play in the snow. There's also the sound of the frustrated person in front of you in line, the whining of the kids when they're fingers are frozen, all the electronic games and annoying singing toys, and the crowds on the street/at the mall/on the rink/etc. Put it all together and what have you got? A headache.

Try to sneak away and find some silence. There's something about the air when the temperature drops to the lower numbers...it sounds different. I don't hear it much now that I live in the South but I remember the sound of snow crunching under my boots when I lived up North. Walking in the snow at night has a feeling--and a sound--like no other. The crackle of a fire in the fireplace--turn off all other sources and sit with that sound for a bit.

On the other hand, music can lift me to a whole new energetic level. Think about those times when your favorite song comes on the car stereo and you wail out the lyrics without a care as to who may be watching you from the car beside you. I love the tone I set in my home when I put my Sunday morning acoustic music on. My whole family eases through the morning. Music can be used to get you running faster on the treadmill or open more deeply into a pose in yoga. Songs can inspire us to make positive change and can resonate with the deep emotions within us. Through the sense of hearing we can feed our souls.

As we look to the New Year and new beginnings, consider that hearing isn't only done with our ears. We each have a little voice inside of us that speaks, and that voice needs to be heard. When we hustle through life at a crazy pace trying to keep up with the Jones', or even with just our own to-do list, we lose the ability to hear that inner voice. It requires being in tune with yourself (pun intended!). That higher spirit, that voice of God that lives in all of us, will tell us what to do to reach our goals. We need to trust it, listen to it, and let it guide our journey. And in challenging times, rather that speaking and asking why, try being quiet and opening yourself to answers you hadn't considered. They might not come right away but if we keep listening we will find peace.

"Peace is not the absence of noise, trouble, or real work. It is to be in the midst of those things and be calm in your heart."

peace, love, and good vibrations~

Taste

2010-12-01T06:19:00.000-08:00

As I sip on my peppermint mocha coffee, I begin this diary of the five senses with the sense of taste. This time of year we are inundated, beginning with that big 'ol turkey and all it's trimmings, with flavor. Sweet, savory, creamy, crunchy, toasty, bubbly, flaky, spicy...I could go on and on. And so often, and so unfortunately, we indulge in these flavors at a big feast, plates piled high, everything running together, mindlessly being forked into our mouths. If not in that fashion it's grazing as we pass the buffet, indiscriminately popping bites in our mouths as we mingle and socialize with our loved ones. It's really no wonder we pack on the pounds this month of December.

What if we stopped and really took the time to taste the deliciousness that is so readily available to us. We look forward to the first pumpkin spice latte of the season--we savor it, we tweet about it, we buy them for our friends. What if each bite we put in our mouths were treated with such ritual. We'd never get anything done! That's what would happen! But lets do this exercise at least once a day this month. Let's sit down, with a napkin on our lap, the computer closed, the television off, and first say a quiet word of thanks. Consider all the people that played a role in that food arriving on our plate. Give thanks for all of Mother Nature's work. And let's taste our food--one bite at a time--putting our fork down between each bite.

The tip of our tongues sense sweet. The front portion of our tongues sense salty. Sour is tasted in the mid-to-back of our tongues, and bitter is noticed on the very rear of the tongue. Experiment with tasting your food and see what you notice. Pair your food with a glass of wine and pay attention to how they compliment one another. Have fun with it! But don't rush it. I'll bet you notice you feel satisfied long before finishing what you typically would in a sitting.

Find one thing each day to indulge in in this fashion. It could be a homemade cookie, a seasonable vegetable, a perfectly braised piece of beef, or even a warm bowl of oatmeal. Make note of how it makes you feel to taste your food in this way. Do it with a friend and compare experiences...just don't get to chatting and mindlessly eating! Food is meant to nourish us and fuel this body that carries us around this Earthly experience. Some reports say that one in twelve people on our planet is malnourished. How blessed we are to have such assortment of flavors and options available to us every day? Yet we spend so much time, especially this time of year, eating without appreciation--appreciation for the taste and appreciation for the sustenance.

Enjoy the parties and the holiday meals. Be mindful of what you eat, how it got to you, and of how fortunate you. Realize that tasting foods is something you can take pleasure in all year round--there's no reason to deny yourself! Start 2011 allowing yourself to fully use your sense of taste, and keep it simple. There's something to chew on for the next 5 weeks....

peace, love, and raw veggies...

5 weeks till New Years!

2010-12-01T04:20:00.000-08:00

It's December 1 and there are about 5 more weeks in 2010. I've noticed as people are pulling out their holiday decorations and getting their shopping started that they are also taking this opportunity to clean out closets and clear out under the bed. Maybe it's a preemptive effort to make room for new stuff coming in. Maybe they're checking in with themselves to see if they still fit in to those dress pants they haven't worn in a while. Or maybe, subliminally, they're getting prepared for the new energy of 2011!

Life gets so crazy this time of year (so much so that that statement alone has become a cliche). All the parties and crowds and traffic and noise and layers and layers of lights. Once January rolls around it feels like we've been at an amusement park (yes--it's crazy but it's FUN!). What if we took this month not only to celebrate the season but also to clear the clutter within ourselves so we can start a fresh new year running toward our goals and aspirations? Sounds a lot better than starting it off on a diet and a spending freeze, huh?

Beginning this week, for 5 weeks I'm going to post about what we can do to prep for a stellar beginning to our new year. In considering what my themes would be I pondered the number 5 and decided to focus my writing on the 5 senses. How fun and appropriate for this overstimulating time of year! So carve out a few minutes each week to read and ready yourself for that day when the calendar flips from December to January. My hope is it might help you navigate through these crazy weeks ahead as well. They are to be savored and enjoyed. I send you and your families my sincere wishes for a happy and safe holiday!~

peace, love, and joy~~

Pause.

2010-11-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

Being mindful can get you through the crazy times. Imagine if you didn't pay attention to what was happening around you for the next week in an effort to frantically get ready for Thanksgiving. Then the day would come and go and you'd miss the whole point of the season. By considering your choices, checking in with yourself, and smiling as you go, you remain so open to all the gifts that are presented to you throughout each day.

This is just an example. Thanksgiving is definitely on my radar even though I'm only in charge of bringing a vegetable and a dessert. But the kids are off of school next week, the reality of a holiday kitchen renovation is creeping closer, and my volunteer work is taking part-time status (at least in my mind space). This leaves me feeling overwhelmed and wondering how I can do it all well.

But this is my life! I love the speed at which I swirl around my little spot on the planet. But precious things will be missed if I'm not careful. I'm not talking about the details of the multiple projects I'm managing at any given time, although I do care about those. The precious things I can't afford to miss are the crafts that come home this time of year, the grocery store employee who could use a smile and a thank you, and the bright red leaves lying on the vibrantly green grass (saw this at the bus stop this afternoon--gorgeous).

My life isn't going to get any calmer any time soon, but I am challenged--we are all challenged--to embrace whatever pace our machine drives our spirit. And when our spirit starts to tire, shift it down a gear. Pause and watch. Then stay paused. For two more moments. Then go about your duties with a little lighter step. The world keeps revolving, your list will get all it's check marks (or maybe it won't, but that's okay!). There is absolutely no reason for any of us to go gang-busters at all we have to do if we're not going to appreciate the gift that is each day.

So spend some time with your calendar and your to-do list, and while you're at it, schedule coffee with a friend or a night on the couch with your honey. I'll be over here workin' the plan and lovin' every minute of it, while crunching leaves with my boots and sipping on a pumpkin spice latte. Now THAT'S multi-tasking!

peace, love, and cinnamon ...

Daily Arrival

2010-10-11T05:20:00.001-07:00

I am here. I am in it and living my dream. What more could I ask for, really? Life with babies and toddlers is challenging--so challenging. The physical demands, the lack of sleep, the full range of emotions from moment to moment. I found refuge in my daydreams of a day when I could put my own needs higher on the priority list. I dreamt of being in nature, of exuding joy, of laughing with my kids (we all know toddlers offer plenty of opportunity to laugh at them), and of nurturing all my other relationships as I do my children.

Only recently have I realized that I'm here! I can sleep 9 hours at night if I chose to. I can hop on my bike and explore for hours at a time. I can find multiple reasons for joyous celebration and earnest laughter in each day. There are material things that I would like to have, new places I'd like to travel to, and goals I am still striving to achieve, but I really do feel that everything I need is already a part of my self-created life.

I write this for several reasons. One--to remind myself that it's true. We all have that little voice that creeps in to try to tell us that it's not enough. But I know that's not true. I also want to give all those Moms out there who are facing a full week ahead of runny noses, temper tantrums, and midnight blow-outs a little hope. Envision being there, wherever that is for you, and before you know it, there you are. I also want to share with all what I believe to be true -- that attitude makes all the difference. We are in charge of our quality of life and quality-control is led by a positive attitude.

So go on out and create a fantastic week for yourself!
peace, love, and bright sides...

Peace starts within

2010-09-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever said something to your partner, friend, or family member that you immediately wish you could take back? Or have you ever had an argument and woke up the next morning just wishing you had shut up and gone to bed instead? Sometimes we hurt the people we care about. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words DO hurt sometimes! Sometimes even more than sticks and stones. Words can wound us deeply, in a place that doesn't heal nearly as quickly or easily as a physical injury. Why do we do it? Sometimes when I step back and think about it I can logically tell myself that I didn't want to cause pain. That I don't want that person to be more like me--in fact, I probably didn't want me to be like me. When we let our emotions take over and allow painful words to escape, we are first and foremost disrupting the peace within ourselves. That peace was probably already compromised by fear or self-judgment if we got to the point of expressing negative sentiments, making snide remarks, or behaving in a passive-aggressive manner. We all need to have tools to recognize when these feelings are brewing inside and address what is going on within ourselves before we turn the blame on someone else. I like to envision that little flame deep in my core that never goes out. Even when it's dim, it's there, and focusing on that reminds me that I am having a human experience but I am larger than my problems and with each challenge I can learn more and become a fuller person. That light will shine brighter on the other side of this bump in the road. After going through that exercise I can soften around whatever hostility is surrounding me. In doing this, I change the whole energy of my environment.

This is what it means when we hear "Peace starts from within." And it applies to interpersonal relationships as well as it applies to world peace. Why do we hurt each other? Because we don't have peace within. It all starts with that little flame that is within all of us. It's what you see when you look yourself in the eye in the mirror--it all starts there. There's an old Chinese proverb that goes something like this: "If you have harmony within, you will have harmony at home. If you have harmony at home, you will have harmony in your community. Harmony in your community creates harmony in your country. Harmony in your country creates harmony in the world."

When you look at your neighbor, do you see a reflection of yourself? When you look at your child, do you wish they had the wisdom you've acquired through your life experiences? When you look at a politician, do you wonder how another person could have such a different view than you? Do you want everyone to be more of the same? More like you? I hope not. I hope you can look at any person and see their flaws, their beauty, their struggles, their joy...and see your own. If our hearts are open to the differences in the world, then we are honoring ourselves. With this, all of our flames can shine brightly and peace can spread from one individual to the next. Like a tidal wave it can wash over the entire planet.

peace, love, and kind words...

What's Clear and Simple Isn't Always So Easy

2010-09-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

I've had so much thought and revelation storming at me lately and I think I finally know why (thanks to a fantastic new yoga teacher I enjoyed this morning). Tomorrow is the new moon in September. Also the New Year in the Jewish calendar. Who knew I was so aligned to the lunar calendar?! Every year around this time I am drawn to the Earth, full of inward contemplation, and ready to let go of what doesn't serve me, leaving space for simple abundance.

Let me go back to where this all began--this just-completed Labor Day weekend. With the kids back in school for about 4 weeks now, we're in the full-swing of activities, school work, play dates, and volunteering. This is the soup that I thrive in! Three kids between the ages of 9 and 6--we are a full-motion family. But even on a long weekend, with a break from the regular demands of our day-to-day lives, how is it I still felt stressed and overloaded? My hardworking husband in the backyard cleaning up dry summer debris, my kids lounging around the house resting their little brains and bodies from the constant motion of the grammar school years, I sat in my office filing, responding to old (and late!) emails, pulling paperwork for a refinance, starting new school files for each child, scanning pictures for a family wedding, and paying the bills. Piles of "stuff to put away" met me as I walked out my office door, as I walked down the stairs, and as I poured a tea at the kitchen counter. There was a stack of magazines of the coffee table looking at me with puppy dog eyes, begging "Read me! Sit down...relax. Even close your eyes for a moment. Breathe. Make your mind still."

I know that all these mini-projects would still be here after the long weekend. But are there other moms out there who feel like you're always one step behind? Like if you don't tackle it now, it's going to snowball out of control. And what happens then? You disappoint someone? You miss out on an opportunity? You have to hire a babysitter so you can meet a deadline? What happens if we just say..."this will have to wait"?

Meals are another thing. As mom (and I'm sure some dads take this role on, or some combination of mom and dad--but I'm going to venture to guess it's mom in most cases), I am always thinking about food. No wonder I struggle with my weight! I've got three-to-five people to feed three meals a day to every day of the entire year. It is important to me that they are healthy, balanced, and local and/or organic when at all possible. Planning these meals. Shopping for these meals. Prepping these meals. Cooking and serving these meals. And then managing my own temper when one-to-three members of the family decide they don't like it and won't eat it. So what if they don't? They'll go to bed hungry and try again tomorrow. So what if we order out tonight for the second time this week? So what if we have sandwiches for dinner (which we NEVER do--it would make things so much easier if we did this once in a while!)?

I envision myself floating around my home, my kids teenagers, bright sunshine flooding in the windows, and being serene and peaceful, and cute. And happy. Sometimes I feel like I'm racing to get stuff done so I can somehow magically find myself at this place. The delusion I'm under, however, is that when I'm there--some 8 years from now--I'm still going to have bills to pay, meals to prepare, school projects to help with, and personal goals I'm going to be working on. I guess I envision myself being more organized, and caring less about these "what if's."

After my husband was done cleaning up the yard, he threw a baseball in the backyard with the kids then he sat down at the picnic table and they all played cards. I was still wrapped up in putting a dent in my dreaded to-do list so I could have some fun too. I paused for a moment and thought about the last time I had my kids so engaged. I'm embarrassed to say that I couldn't remember. But I'm the one that gets them off the bus and hears about their day. I get them snacks and look over their school work. I help them with their spelling words and quiz them on their facts. I break up the fights and have the conversations about respect and choices and consequences. I drop them off at piano and baseball and drama. I wonder though--how often am I really there for any of that? I'm going through the motions, getting us through one more day. All the while holding on to that vision of myself laughing with my kids as I relax on a stool next to them in my beautifully renovated kitchen.

I'm fooling myself to think I'm going to magically appear in that spot 8 years from now. All the busy work I do now is never going to get me there. It's the hard work I have to do that is going to pull me out of the pile of to-do lists and in to this place of grace. The hard work I'm talking about is stopping. I need to stop--pause--and look around me. I need to take a moment to snatch my child on my lap and give her my full attention when she's telling me a long story that's going nowhere. I need to take a few moments several times in my day to envision myself as that carefree woman. I need to be okay with putting everything else that has to be done aside so I can enjoy my kids today.

The sad part is, I know if (God forbid) one of my kids got sick or my husband was being shipped off to Afghanistan in a month I would make this happen. I would drop everything, deeming it simply unimportant, and give my full focus to my family. I would say no and have no qualms about it. I would become less of a task master and more of a mother. Ouch.

There is no reason we should require harsh wake-up calls to readjust our priorities. I have three beautiful, healthy kids and they are mine to enjoy and nurture and love. I have an incredible husband who deserves the best parts of me, not just what's left over at the end of a frazzled day. I owe it to them and to myself to put US FIRST. I may disappoint some, I may miss out on something--but the price to pay isn't worth it.

Am I alone out there? Am I the only mom who feels like this? I feel like realizing this is step one for me, but changing my ways is going to be hard. What do they say--nothing worth doing is easy? How do I approach this in a positive way that doesn't make it feel like one more thing on the top of my to-do list? Who am I going to chose to disappoint first? ... If I know I'm doing the very best I can do and my family is my number one priority, then I have to be okay with that. The alternative just isn't acceptable to me anymore.

peace, love, and turkey sandwiches...

Riding to the next phase

2010-08-22T15:21:00.000-07:00

After sitting at my desk for almost five hours earlier today working on my Environmental Education Committee tasks and Girl Scout projects, I decided I needed to get outside and move. I embarked downstairs to find my husband folding laundry (his favorite weekend pastime), two of the kids in front of different screens, and the youngest off at a friend's house. I declared that it was time to turn off the machinery and go for a hike! "We'll go hunting for baby frogs in the pond. We'll hike down to the old paper mills and explore the ruins. We'll splash in the creek and keep our eye out for snakes." No bites. I picked up the youngest child and got the same adamant refusal to participate in my plan to get out of the house and in to nature. After a bit of pouting I threw my bike in the car and left the rest of my family to a game of UNO and I headed to the river.

The Chattahoochee River is a few miles from my house and along it are miles of wonderful walking and biking trails. After learning from a serious biking friend that you can follow the roads for miles after the trail ends and it's still bike-friendly, I decided to venture to new places on this 90 degree Sunday afternoon. I just love being near the water and in the woods.

When I go kayaking on the river I go out each time with the intention of noticing something I have not noticed before. I've been successful each and every time. (It pains me that I haven't been out on my kayak in a while but I've sprung some sort of a leak that I need to take to the pros. It might be time for a new boat, I'm thinking.) Before too long I realized that I could make this an objective of a bike ride as well, especially when exploring new territory.

The trails along the river offer amazing shade on these North Georgia afternoons. On my mountain bike, being passed by all the street riders, I was loving the sound of the river along side the road. Sometimes out on my kayak I wondered what streets I could see beyond the trees. Even more so I wondered about the houses that lined the banks of the Chattahoochee. How dreamy would it be to be able to walk out on my back deck and see the water rushing over the rocks, catch a crane perched on a little island, and witness that mamma duck taking her chicks out for the first time in the spring.

As I was daydreaming about this I noticed some movement in the woods. I was taken aback for a moment and slowed down to see what it was. Assuming it was maybe a deer, I was surprised to see two donkeys frolicking amongst the trees. Donkeys? I noticed the dead end sign ahead and the dirt road that turned to the right, which of course, I now had to follow. I had stumbled upon Rotten Wood Farm, a run-down looking piece of property with signs posting "Don't Feed the Animals." Besides the two playful donkeys, the only other animal I saw was a baby goat, but it was a neat little find--one I'll surely visit as a biker-by again. After passing the farm I continued down this dirt and gravel road that was lined with beautiful riverfront homes. It was so quiet and peaceful. This was Old Riverside Street and it is now my new favorite street in metro Atlanta. About every 3rd house was old and in need of repair, but the riverfront property made them gems. The houses that had been renovated, or build new on the property, varied in style but all were oozing with charm and had incredible porches or lawns or glass rooms that took full advantage of the beautiful piece of nature they were perched upon.

After soaking this all in and imagining how wonderful it would be to live in one of these houses on this campy little gravel road, I headed back toward the trails that would lead me to my car. I explored the woods and got caught on a very narrow trail that was impassable at one point due to a fallen tree. Turning around, I explored more bike-friendly trails, got good and mud-splashed and made it back to my car.

When my kids were littler I used to look forward to the day when I could take them camping, mountain biking, and rafting. Well, I'm there. It's going to take some cajoling but once there's a hint of fall in the air, we're hittin' the road. I'll start them off slow but it is extremely important to me to expose my family to nature and all the beauty and fun we have at our disposal as soon as we walk outside. The PTA and the Girl Scouts and all the other activities are important, but I also have had a vision and a dream for my family that needs to be tended to. So next on my to-do list is to pick a weekend this fall to pack it up and head to the mountains for a good old fashioned family camping trip. I'll teach all of them how to open your eyes, ears, and hearts to find something new in each hike, ride, and paddle. Those things are priceless and they're no where close to what you can see on a screen.

peace, love, and the great outdoors...

Self-Indulgence at its BEST

2010-08-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

I just went to see the movie Eat, Pray, Love and my mind is swimming with ideas. The stand-out concept that is sticking out to me is "self-indulgence." This blog itself is self-indulgence for me because I get to hash out all the little conversations I have in my head, as if I'm speaking with another person. The exercise of writing has always helped me make clear the cluttered nature of my thoughts.

So I'm going to assume you've read Eat, Pray, Love because, well, everyone has. Or should. And if you haven't I'm sure you'll still follow. Liz goes to Italy and eats with free-abandon. She goes to India and wallows in her loneliness. She goes to Bali and learns that giving to herself is not a shameful thing. I heard critiques that Liz had such a good life and had so much to be grateful for--why was she so miserable? Well, she was. We can have a life full of beautiful, precious, and priceless people/things/experiences but only we know, deep down in our soul, if we have what we need to truly be happy. It is brave to walk away from everything comfortable and safe when you're on the quest for your own happiness. And happiness doesn't even seem like the right word, because we can be happy for sure in our lives, but not know that place, that inner peace, that calm that shines from within. It is in us--in all of us--and we don't need to travel the world to find it. Of course, that was the point of the book, if you chose to see it that way.

(quest quote from movie/book in Bali)

As I was sipping my coffee this morning my husband came to kiss me goodbye and asked what I was up to for the day. I hesitated, wondering if I should be nonchalant and tell I didn't know, I was going to take care of things, I was still deciding...going to the movies at 10:20 in the morning while the kids were at school sounded too self-indulgent. But I was honest and I told him, and I sensed a slight bit of "oh, must be nice." I told him to have a good day and he replied "I'll try." So the justifications start in my head: he just got back from a road trip with his brother, I've been working hard on PTA and household finance stuff, I'll make sure the laundry is put away and I cook dinner tonight. So off I go to the mall, buy my ticket, popcorn, and diet Coke (quite the indulgent breakfast!) and walk in to the theater to see, of course, 5 other women that look just like me. Moms no doubt, big purses, cell phones, diet Cokes (that's why they have a 10:20 movie on a weekday anyway, isn't it? Come on.). So I watch the movie (which was good but the book was way better, again, of course) and when it's over I walk out and turn my cell phone back on to see a text "can u talk right now?" from my husband. Oh shit. The movie on a Thursday morning was too much. I shouldn't have told him--I should have been vague. Oh well, he'll have to deal with it. Unless--oh wait--maybe someone got hurt, maybe there's so drama. What did I miss in the 2 hours and 13 minutes I was in the theater indulging in a movie?

His voice was very chipper when I called him. He was on his way to pick up a couple friends and head down to the baseball game where he would enjoy an afternoon drinking beer and eating peanuts right behind home plate for free! How INDULGENT of him on a Thursday afternoon! I didn't care--how great is it that those tickets were offered to him and the timing worked out with his job that he could take advantage of this good fortune? Hooray for him! Then I realized, he felt the same way about me when I told him I was going to a movie. I heard envy in his voice this morning but it wasn't really there. That disapproving voice came within myself, not from him. I could spend the whole day in the spa, have lunch and wine with girlfriends, and buy myself some new jewelry after going kayaking on the river and he'd be happy for me. It reminds me of the part of the story when the Italian barber is talking about Americans. He said we know about entertainment but we don't know about pleasure. We deny ourselves the right to experience pleasure, in even the most simple things! I had fresh blueberries over organic low fat vanilla yogurt yesterday and I ate it slowly and mindfully and although I was by myself in my kitchen I still let out an audible mmmmm. Food, wine, sex, music, shoes, exercise, laughter, sunlight, rain, lip gloss, scotch, linens, lotion, grass, mud, hammocks, kissing, pets, kids, art, candles, coffee, cheese, sleep. So many opportunities for pleasure throughout each and every day. We just have to stop and appreciate them! And allow ourselves to feel indulgent, and know that we are worthy of it. I'm glowing just thinking about it!!

So I guess my point is, and the resolution to all the swarming and contradicting thoughts in my head is, self-indulgence is okay, and let me even say necessary! And being grateful for what you have, truly grateful, but still searching within yourself to find that spark that ignites your soul is okay, and is necessary. This energy is contagious, and it's calming. It doesn't have to come at the expense of something else, and shame or guilt are not a part of this equation. Self-indulgence is not an evil thing. Now, I'm going to go slice some cucumber and pull some mint from my herb garden to put in a glass of ice water on this steamy Georgia afternoon. I'm going to hug my kids, help them with their homework, put away some laundry, and fix dinner. I am so grateful to recognize today how self-indulgent every day of my life is if I look at it all with gratitude.

peace, love, and dark chocolate (I can't believe I forgot dark chocolate)...

If These Walls Could Talk

2010-08-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

I took my kids to see Toy Story 3 today and was reminded of a couple of Feng Shui principles (between laughing and crying at such a wonderful story). Even if you haven't seen the movie, pretty much everyone knows the premise, right? The toys come alive when the humans are not around. Who are we to say this doesn't ever happen anyway. I swear my glasses make the rounds of my house every day. These toys--a cowboy, a space ranger, a slinky, Mr. Potato Head--they all love the little boy to whom they belong. He drags them out in the yard, sleeps with them, takes them on errands with his mom, but most importantly, he brings them to life with his imagination.

In the third movie, this little boy is now 17 and is headed off to college. Throughout the movie I was thinking about "things" and how we treat the material objects in our lives. What if everything we owned came to life when we weren't around. What would they say? Would they be happy? Would they be as devoted to us as Woody is to Andy? With Feng Shui we are challenged to look at everything in our environments as being alive--alive with chi, with life energy. Our memories, our behaviors, our emotions are absorbed in to the matter of these objects. If years of holiday meals are shared over a dining table, that table holds the energy of those people, of those gatherings, of the bread that was broken there. If intimate parent/child talks are had on a front porch swing, that swing holds the energy of that relationship, that precious connection, those emotions. That table should remain polished, screws tightened, wood protected. The chain that holds that swing should not get rusty, the pollen should be cleaned off, the cushions fluffed.

Remember also that our environment is a reflection of what is going on within our spirits. Look around you. What do you see? Really look, and consider if this rings true for you. I'm willing to bet on some level it does. Everything you own should be precious to you. Keep in mind the role these objects have in holding you back or moving you forward. If you are divorced and are still sleeping on the same mattress, get a new one. If there's a dent in your bike helmet that reminds you of that big wreck, treat yourself to a new helmet. Does your artwork represent who you are? Does your couch make you feel comforted? Live with what you love, and love what you live with.

On the morning the boy in the movie was heading off to college, his mom walked in his room and gasped because he had taken all the posters off his walls, all his belongings either packed away or passed on. It was a shell of a room. A room that just the day before felt like her son. He slept and played and studied and grew up there, and his energy was sucked up by those four walls and everything else within them. As a mom I could totally relate to this moment. I look around me now and see my kids' books, a barbie doll, a plate made in art class, nail polish, and photographs. My kids are tucked in their beds asleep right now, but they are all around me. This house pulses with their energy all the time. If all of these items that remind me of them were in one day gone, it would take my breath away too.

In the end even Andy had a hard time letting go of the one thing that most reminded him of his childhood. Was he ready to grow up? Was he ready to move on? We need to consider if letting something go is going to open up space for something new and wonderful to enter. I sometimes pretend that material things are of no importance, but sometimes they are. I have an altar filled with simple and thoughtful gifts from precious friends and I could never get rid of these items for the sake of "spring cleaning." At least not now. Right now they reflect who I am and what is important to me.

When my grandmother passed this spring, my mom and my uncle had the daunting task of going through her belongings and determining what should be kept (and by whom) and what should be thrown away or donated. Nana is gone--these things are of no use to her anymore. But these things hold memories for the rest of us. The costume jewelry, the funky glasses, the blankets she knitted. We now look at them and smile, remembering her fondly.

So this week why don't you pick a room a day to explore. Just sit in that space for a few minutes and look at what's around you. If it came alive when you left the room, would it be happy? What kind of energy has it soaked up in the time that you've had it? Does it reflect who you are now? Does it support where your life path is taking you? Is there someone else that would benefit from it far more than you would? Just one room a day. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

peace, love, and a few of my favorite things...

Memories Can't Be Chosen

2010-08-12T04:58:00.000-07:00

I've just concluded my 9th summer of being a Mom. This year I had 11 weeks with my 9-year old, 7-year old, and 6-year old. The time was filled with lots of travel, family, swimming, video games, birthday parties...so much fun that much of it is a blur to me now. I step back and take a deep breath, a little bit grateful that it's all over and we can get back to our routine. For my kids though, these will be some of their first memories.

I remember counting to 100 for my kindergarten teacher. I remember when my parents told me we were adding a third child to the family. I remember walking home during the blizzard of '78 and getting stuck in the snow. There are a million memories between then and now that influence me, consciously or unconsciously, on a daily basis. My experiences make me who I am.

My choices also make me who I am. The life I have lived up to this moment cannot be changed and to sit with myself, I can say I am a fortunate woman who has been given great opportunities, much love, and an abundance of blessings. The choices I make from this moment on will create the life I one day, years from now, will look back on with contemplation again. If I close my eyes and float myself forward on the number line 10 years, I can't even imagine the memories that will have been implanted in my soul. I know that I will be a richer, deeper woman.

Thinking of my children, their young lives, and these early memories that will be their first--losing a tooth in Alaska, hours of water slides and roller coasters, fireworks over the beach at Nana-the-Great's house--I am giving them experiences that will influence who they become. Will they remember that they fought about where they would sit every time they got in the car? Will they recall the dilly-dallying, the messy rooms, the broken electronics? Maybe. Maybe not. Will they remember that Mom was always yelling as we pulled out of the driveway (because no one could pick a seat), or that Dad was frustrated with them a lot (because everything should have it's place, and that's NOT on the kitchen floor)? Maybe. Maybe not.

I can't pick and chose what becomes part of the fiber of their being. The only thing that I can control is my own behavior. The choices I make not only play a role in the person I become, my choices affect the people that my children will become. When they look back at their mother, from their first memories and throughout their upbringing, what will that look like? I think it's a good exercise to go through. I can guarantee that the picture I'd like them to have is very similar to the picture I would like to see for myself.

We sometimes sacrifice little pieces of happiness in our lives in the name of something we deem more important. What we need to realize is that making the choice to give that up not only lessens our chances of living a full life, which we find justifications for all the time, it alters the experience of those around us. We are all connected. If we act from our hearts and our spirits with pure intentions for ourselves the goal of a full, happy life then we are giving our children permission to do the same for themselves. Isn't that something we all wish for our children?

I am not always guided by the light that is within me, but I want to be. I'm realizing that one of the best ways for me to teach my children to recognize and follow that light is to work to do it myself. Why we make excuses or devalue this process for ourselves I don't know. I think it's part ego and the influences of society and worldly things. It's easier to say we want this state of grace for our children, but you know what? There is enough for all of us.

I want my children to remember a laughing Mommy. I want them to have memories of physical affection and unwavering support. I want them to remember parents who were united and loving. I want them to have memories of their mother explaining that even she gets sad sometimes, but always knowing that life is good. Memories of their mom snatching them up in her arms and saying "I'm sorry for losing my temper--I could have done better." This is the role I can take in the lives that are being woven under this roof. These are the choices that I can make. Because as a dear friend recently reminded me,

Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be......

peace, love, and precious memories...

Consider This Moment

2010-08-05T06:22:00.000-07:00

Being present makes us aware of the affect we have on the world and ways in which everything in our environment impacts us. How often do you go to bed at night and feel like you've been on auto-pilot all day? Or find yourself sitting at your desk but don't really remember the drive to work? Or look back at a vacation and find that it's all a blur? When we are truly present in a moment, that moment becomes part of the fiber of who we are. It enables us to see our true selves as we experience people and situations and notice how we think and feel about these impressions on our lives. Being present in every moment of every day is a huge task. I want to be here for all the moments in my life, but my tendency is to daydream to the future. Others I know, tend to think of the past as they continue down their path. Living in the now gives us more opportunity to experience the grace of the beautiful life we already have, right now. I am working to slow down, savor the little things that are so easily overlooked, and create a full, rich life for myself each day.

My husband recently turned 50 and on his 49th birthday he started keeping track of all the live music he witnessed in that year before this big landmark. He saw 125 performances in one year. Now, he doesn't always remember the conversation we had 2 nights ago, and I can often tell that even though he's standing right next to me, his mind is somewhere else. But when he is in front of live music being played, he is present. He devours every note and imprints every song in his mind. He knows set lists of concerts he saw 20 years ago. That is being present.

Looking back at 365 days and being able to say that, at the very least, he had 125 episodes of being fully in the moment...that is pretty impressive. His spirit is soaring when he is in the place. In the same way some spirits soar when working in a garden, or reading books to children, or practicing yoga. The challenge is to find this experience in everyday tasks. How can folding laundry lift our spirits? That's up to each of us to discover for ourselves, but I suggest starting with gratitude. Being thankful for everything that has led up to the task of folding that shirt. The cotton grown from the Earth, the many hands that turned that cotton into a shirt, the resources to have that shirt to keep you protected and warm, the water that brings it back to clean time and time again... give it a try. Over time it will be something that comes more naturally. When I was dishes, I sometimes literally tell myself "I am washing dishes," just to bring me back to the moment. It helps to keep me from saying "I can't believe I'm washing dishes AGAIN. I would rather be reading a magazine. I wish one of my kids was washing the dishes instead of me." That changes the quality of my moment. I don't want a lifetime of mediocre moments. I want a lifetime of precious moments, and that is up to me to create.

peace, love, and smelling the roses...

Working through Monday morning thoughts

2010-07-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

Fear
Judgment
Power

Fear of being judged
Judgment is other people's fear reflected on you
Giving the power to that other person's fear takes it away from you

Instead, look with love upon that judgment
Maybe that will ease the other person's fear
It will certainly increase your power
Either way, this seems much better than the alternative.

Using Our Words for Good

2010-06-11T13:52:00.001-07:00

In studying the 5th chakra I realized how much the lessons here are a part of my life and recognize that I am much further along on my spiritual path than I was a few years ago. The 5th chakra teaches us a lot about judgement, the power of the words we speak, and about faith.

I have always had this fear of being judged. As a younger person it was wanting to fit in--very typical as we struggle through the social challenges of adolescence. I talk to my kids a lot about how each one of us is so special and unique, quoting Forrest Gump--"I am as God made me." We each have many gifts and if one of us were not here, the world would be very different.

As an adult I was afraid others would think I wasn't an attentive enough mother, that I hired too many babysitters, that I had one too many glasses of wine, or that I neglected the cleaning of my house or (gulp) my car. But if I am okay with myself, then I can't be judged. I can't allow other people's "stuff" to determine how I feel about my choices or my life.

In turn, I try not to judge others. I have learned, oh have I learned, that until I walk a mile in someone else's shoes, I cannot know what it is like to live their life. And I believe that most people do the best with what they have to work with. As Maya Angelou said--we do the best with what we know, and when we know better we do better. For that reason I don't think it's fair to gossip about other people. Why do we take pleasure in other people's struggles? If we spoke healing words or words of concern, healing energy can find them. But words of judgement and condemnation just reflect back on us and cast a shadow on our light. I'm not saying I never fall victim to the temptation to butt in to someones business, but I know it is far more productive to interact face to face with people than behind their back. That's how I want people to treat me--it's the Golden Rule, right? Treat others as you want to be treated. So simple yet so challenging in today's competitive world. But how do we have room to love someone if we're judging them? (Mother Theresa -- I'm full of them today!)

I think sometimes this competitiveness comes from fear. Fear that we ourselves are not doing a good enough job (in who's eyes?--I challenge us to ask). Also fear that someone else's success will somehow diminish our opportunities for success. There is enough happiness/love/success/joy/peace for all of us. Having faith that if we follow the right path we will have the life we dream of is a big step in spiritual growth. We might not get handed lemonade every day, but the sugar and water of most days help us to see the potential for the lemons on those other days. (Even if it means trading them in for limes and making margaritas!)

I know that I have a blessed life and that I have many angels looking out for me. I know I have a tremendous power to spread good in the world--we all do. And every night I rest my head knowing I did my very best that day. Let us all be gentle with our words, generous with our love, and faithful in our ways.

peace, love, and acceptance~

Let Loose and Love

2010-06-01T04:45:00.000-07:00

After a week of having my kids home for summer break I am reminded of the range and freedom of emotion that children have. They cry, laugh, whine, and scream alternatively throughout the day - everyday - repeatedly. I'll admit that many days I feel the pain, glee, frustration, and anger that they feel but as an adult I've grown to control the outward expression of these emotions. Imagine if adults didn't develop that control--what a mess we'd all be!

For me, knowing that each experience I have is there to teach me something eases me from one challenging moment to the next. This is easy to do when the salsa spills on the carpet or I stub my toe on the kitchen table for the 100th time. I may have an immediate outburst, but am able to move on and maintain some sort of emotional equilibrium. But what about the really big wounds? Those damages that happen that don't cause us to yell out, but rather cause us to yell in. These are the hurts that really damage us. And it's not the action or event itself that can start the negative spiral, it's the way we internalize the pain. We hold on to it, bury it, maybe even forget about it on a conscious level. This "injury" becomes part of who we are. The negative currents affiliated with the feelings of hurt or betrayal or violation that we hold on to penetrate our cells and become part of our physical selves. Not only can it cause illness in our bodies, that energy also pulsates outward and attracts more of the same damaging energy right back to us. We all know someone who was in a bad relationship and continues, time after time, to chose other ill-fitted partners.

In a way, our kids' approach probably works better. They let it out and let it go. Our challenge as adults is to find a way to do that as well--in order to set ourselves free from that weight and that burden. The 4th chakra is the place where the emotional meets the spiritual, and that is where this work is done--in the heart. Compassion and forgiveness are the tools we use to release us from the negative spiral and lift us toward a more peaceful place. There is risk involved by becoming vulnerable and putting ourselves out there. It requires a level of maturity and, as I often discuss, self-love. Forgiveness is a gift to ourselves, not to our offenders. We release the power outside occurrences have over our well-being and give ourselves permission to heal, learn, and continue on wiser. And looking with compassion at the people we would otherwise judge gives us the wonderful opportunity to learn something about the world, about ourselves, and to experience deep gratitude for all that is good in our own lives.

Living in the role of a victim is no way to live. The word victim is defined as "a person who is deceived or cheated, as by his or her own emotions or ignorance, by the dishonesty of others, or by some impersonal agency." "...as by his or her own emotions or ignorance..." Open your heart. Take charge of your emotional well-being. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Look with compassion upon the world. Live out loud and let go. Risk. Give thanks. Laugh big. Cry hard. Feel what you need to feel and allow yourself to get through to the other side. This will make us whole, and this will heal our hurt, and this will offer us the opportunity for the greatest happiness.

peace, love, and more LOVE...

Closing 36 and Welcoming 37!

2010-05-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from my first music festival traveled to solo. I drove 6 hours to the gorgeous shores of the Gulf of Mexico in Alabama to indulge in the first annual Hangout Music Festival. Three days of incredible music, new friends, camping, plenty of cold cocktails, and general absorption of the simple beauty available to us each and every day.

It was such a memorable trip. I have several musical highlights, lots of pictures to remind me of all the fun I packed in to three days, toned calves from walking from stage to stage in the fine, white sand, and a general sense of peace. Someone actually told me at one point over the weekend that my smile was "just happiness." Considering I looked in a mirror only maybe once a day, I'm glad my smile was representing what was going on inside (I'm not sure what my hair was saying). I just love being somewhere with no where to be, no one to be responsible for (besides myself), and all these amazing choices sitting in front of me. So much outdoor time, including a super-fun bike ride with a camping neighbor on Saturday morning, just makes my body feel strong. I'm not saying I want this as my every day, but it feeds my soul to do it a few times a year.

And live music--oh, live music. I liken it to getting a massage, or a hug...you get what you give, and the passion that comes from the performers comes right to me. To be standing in a crowd of people sharing in that passion is electric. We're sharing something special and there will never be another experience just like this one. When I'm there I am 100% present. I can flow moment-to-moment with the music and let my body move in whatever way it is inspired to move. No one is watching me, no one cares--everyone else is fully present in their own moment. Another theme for the weekend which I heard from a few people, from fellow festival-goers to the iced coffee lady..."You do what makes you feel good, honey. Don't worry about those other people."

Laying in my tent during a thunderstorm, snuggled under my covers, I felt like I was in a cocoon. Once the weather passed briefly I stepped out onto the soggy ground and watched the dozens of birds in a frenzy darting from bush to tree. I had no concerns of rain ruining my plans or my outfit, no sense of urgency for appointments I might miss, no longing for the bright sunshine. I was in the moment and full of gratitude for what was given to me. The whole weekend long I had wonderful feeling of perfect timing. I just eased through my days knowing that at every moment I was exactly where I was supposed to be. That is an incredible feeling. I wonder if that is possible in "the real world?" I suppose to aim to have some degree of that is a worthwhile goal, but to revel in in a few times a year when my world does revolve around me is okay--and really, really good.

One thing that I will take away from my magical weekend is to take each challenge or blessing presented to me with gratitude...gratitude for what it has to teach me. Those challenges offer an opportunity to surrender. Face to the sky, arms raised overhead, rain drenching my body and washing away the self-doubt and judgement that can creep in. Those glorious blessings offer an opportunity for humility. Face to the sky, arms raised overhead, sunshine warming my skin as I imagine everything else that is touched by this light and consider my small part in this grand existence.

peace, love, and groovy tunes~

Random thoughts on "now"

2010-05-13T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm departing from my current chakra theme because I just feel like blogging about what's going on with me right now. I've been trying to post on Wednesdays and I'm a day late so maybe I was just really waiting for the right inspiration.

I am in a really happy place right now. I have very fond memories of a time when I felt I was "there." Two people come to mind when I think of this time (they will remain nameless). I recall feeling as though I was a good friend to these people during this period in their lives--I think it was about 1998. Anyway, I had a calm and a confidence and a...how do I describe it...a comfort in my own skin. I was working and I was engaged, we were having a good time as DINKs (dual-income-no-kids), but I had people in my life that I loved sharing time with and we were really connected.

Weddings, babies, moves, more babies--things can change so fast. I've written before and I will write many times again about my joys as a mother and a wife, but tonight I'm thinking about friendships. Back in 1998 I had the time and the focus to truly listen to the people I care about, and I felt like I had something to say that was helpful to them at the time. That made me feel good. Really good! So many times in the past few years I've thought back about that time and wondered if I'd ever feel that good about who I am again. I wondered if I'd ever be able to put my thoughts in to words in a way that people could understand--and not be asked for a glass of milk in the middle of it!

I've realized recently that I'm there! I am in such a good place. I feel like I can breathe again and as much as I know I need time to myself doing the things I like to do in order to take care of myself, I really need time to nurture the relationships that are so important to me. The pendulum is swinging and I feel like the 8+ years I've spent with babies and toddlers, and all the demands that come along with that, are easing a bit. There is more room in my brain and my heart and my soul to be a good friend again.

This blog has been such a gift to me. I can explore my thoughts and express who I am - and people relate to it! I've always wanted to be inspired and to inspire people (hence, Inspired Living) and if I get even one response to something I write, I feel like I'm a success! I had a few girlfriends take me out for my birthday last night and I was so humbled by the love I received from them. I was almost uncomfortable. What have I done to attract this affection? All I can attribute it to is being myself and sharing that openly. What I have to say isn't going to resonate with everyone, I understand and expect that. But honestly, if a single person thinks about things differently, challenges themselves to do better, or decides to be more gentle in their ways, my gosh...I'm fulfilled.

So tomorrow morning I head out to spend a few days at the beach at a music festival. I'm not going with anyone, but I expect to run in to several familiar faces. I look forward to the "me" time--on my schedule, doing what I want to do. I wish I had someone to go with though. I love music festivals, and I'm okay doing it solo, but I wish I had a friend (besides my wonderful husband who is staying home with our children) who was equally excited as I am. And the last day is my birthday. I bought some yummy cookies at the bakery to share with any new friends I may make. And the music on the schedule for Sunday is fantastic. I'm just figuring if someone was meant to be with me, they would be. The stars aligned for me to do this trip, and I'm thinking I might come out of it stronger, more clear, one rung higher on my ladder. I hope.

peace, love, and happy birthday to me!

First Choice = Love

2010-05-05T04:43:00.000-07:00

Loving ourselves is really the very first thing we need to do to live a happy life. It is quite simple, but as we all know is not always that easy. It is the love we have for ourselves that resonates outward and draws in loving relationships, positive encounters, and auspicious situations.

There is a pull in the physical world around us that can lead us down a path of feeling inadequate. It takes conscious living, spiritual awareness, to reject these messages and honor the bright being that we innately are. Our own personal power is far stronger than that of the external world around us--if we chose to embrace it. That's where the gift of choice comes in to play. Every choice we make either stokes that internal flame or it dampens it. If our decisions are guided by what we think is expected of us or by fear of what others may think, we aren't growing. If being true to ourselves and living a righteous life drives what we think, what we say, and what we do, we're on the path to higher personal power and greater happiness.

When we are standing in confidence and strength, we have the ability to change the world around us, just by being. Confidence means to believe in your power and ability. If you believe it then it is your truth. Einstein said the ideals most important to him were truth, goodness, and beauty. Making choices based on what is good and right, believing in our value and abilities, and appreciating and respecting all that is divine around us--that seems like a happy journey to me. Does it mean every day is filled with happiness? No--that is where life comes full circle and we get to make a choice again. Each moment we get to decide if we'll follow that inner light that radiates outward and upward or if we'll follow some rules that try to tell us how we're supposed to be living our lives. It's in the times of struggle that we really have opportunity to grow. We know what the right decision is. We just need to have faith in ourselves and truly believe that we are worthy of all the goodness being offered to us.

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered: Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway. If you are... successful you will win some false friends and true enemies: Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank people will try to cheat you: Be honest anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight: Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous of you: Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten by tomorrow: Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough: Give your best anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway." ~Mother Teresa

peace, love, and abounding happiness~

Creating Sparks

2010-04-27T19:43:00.000-07:00

How fun and exciting and interesting it is to be in a new relationship. It’s so easy to get swept away with the emotions of the moment—and why shouldn’t you? You’re discovering one another, and discovering something new about yourself.

But then, after time, there’s real life. Real life is not so sexy and we don’t always look forward to the next encounter. We can’t always have a deep conversation. After years there isn’t something new to discover on a regular basis.

I think it’s real to yurn for those early days, that curiosity, that spark, those butterflies when something totally new in someone else just turns you on. Marriage, kids, careers, families…despite all these things that try to keep us confined in this little box, remaining the same person day in and day out…we need to keep growing. We need to keep exploring within ourselves so we still have the fuel it takes to ignite that spark—in others and within ourselves. It’s not impossible to have those same reactions after being with the same person for a long time. In many ways it’s deeper. With time and life and experiences come confidence and comfort and security. It’s not the same, and I’m not going to even blow smoke and say that it’s better. Well, in the macro view it is most certainly better. That moment though—that moment of thrill and exuberance—they’re certainly fewer and farther between. But if we keep pushing ourselves to step out of that box we’ve been put in, we are richer, we’re more fascinating, we have the best chance of living a life that has more of those incredible, passionate, and fiery moments.

So what can we do now, as we go through the motions of our daily lives, to connect with that free-spirit that lives in each of us? We can get creative! Paint a picture with your fingers, lay on the ground with your camera and take photographs from a different perspective, listen to music and dance! Change your hair color, wear a fun costume or your favorite heels, have a picnic dinner in the yard! Don't let that box confine you and define who you are--you get to decide who you are. And other people will see your perception of yourself and respond to that. If you want to have more of those exuberant moments in your life, inspire that in others! Get creative and express yourself.

This is part of the essence of the second chakra. It's the same energy that ignites our sensuality that sparks our creativity. In Feng Shui there is even an area of the home that resonates with this energy. This energy is rooted in honor and respect, for others and for ourselves. Nurturing this part of ourselves is wonderful self-care and it shouldn't stop when the newness wears off or when life becomes more routine. In fact, maybe that's when we need to pay the most attention to keeping that fountain full.

peace, love, and being silly...

Powerful Intentions

2010-04-24T17:40:00.000-07:00

"We invoke into our hearts and into this space the God of our own understanding, be it our higher power, the creative conscious, Mother Earth or the Holy Mother herself. We welcome this essence and grace into our being. May it infuse our practice and this day with the love necessary to make our work meaningful, potent and beneficial for all beings. We ask, dear spirit, that our judgment be transformed into understanding, our resistance into surrender and our fear into faith. May we stand in our power and create space and opportunity so that others may stand in their own. May we stay heart centered and available to all the people we meet and greet them with openness and a willingness to share ideas and experience without judgment, prejudice or fear. Expose our assumptions and limited beliefs so that we may grow, and give us the strength to acknowledge these limitations without shame. May this practice be blessed and may the vibration that exists within each of our hearts be offered outward into this community and our universe as a prayer for healing, unity and peace."

I was inspired by this reading, published by yogi-extraordinaire Seane Corn on Oprah's website. I think I'm going to read it aloud to myself for the next few mornings to start my day with focus and intention.

Here's the link to read the whole passage:
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Building-a-Birthing-Center-in-Uganda

peace, love, and radiating light~

Belonging to Something Bigger

2010-04-19T18:31:00.000-07:00

I was born into my family for a reason--we all were. Each one of us has something to learn from one another--each person we encounter in our lives has something to teach us. A child born into a family in the jungles of South America has a completely different experience than a child born into a family in the English countryside. Born in the 1970's I was raised in the midst of different attitudes and beliefs than my mother who was born in the 1940's. There is a tribal energy that we take on as children. Our worlds are so small. We only know what is taught to us by the adults that care for us day-to-day. As we grow and are exposed to more worldly energy, we begin to think bigger and break away from the rules we lived by and form our own beliefs and values based on our own experiences in the world. This is the beginning of spiritual growth.

This tribal energy is related to the first chakra, that sense of belonging to a group. To some it's a family. To others it's a tight group of friends or a religious group. In reality, it can be any of these, and several of these, at different times in our lives. This is what got me thinking today...the times when these changes in affiliations force us to look at ourselves differently and examine who we really are and what sparks our passion. It's not just when we get on the school bus for the first time. It's when we join a sorority in college, move to a new city, join the world of parenthood, or get involved in community activism. We can be catapulted into a tribal change when tragedy strikes--divorce, death, financial challenges, or when good fortune enters our lives--big promotions, getting married, running our first marathon. We become part of a collective group, and we're challenged to find alignment with those around us. In doing so we explore more deeply what we're made of and what we stand for as individuals.

Very often it's the inner drive, whether consciously or unconsciously, that weens us from our particular tribe. All of a sudden we don't seem to have as much in common with the people around us. Maybe members of our group are making decisions that just don't feel right to us. It could be we become sensitive to certain actions or patterns and we feel on edge. This is our intuition speaking--that inner voice--and we have to listen.

It doesn't mean that we can't still love the members of tribe, but personal growth is necessary. Each one of us will have our time of discovery. Sometimes life events put that opportunity in our laps. And although there is a greater plan behind every encounter, we all have the power of choice. We chose to align with the collective group or to assess the energy that is present and break away. We all must be personally responsible for our thoughts and actions, no matter what is going on with the group of people who surround us.

I have gone through this so many times in my life: Pulling away from my parents. Jumping around to different groups of friends in high school, trying to find the place I felt most comfortable (hard for every teenager!). Moving to Atlanta alone to make a new start for myself. Becoming a wife, and starting my family. Moving from the city to the suburbs. Seeking new companions that share similar interests at this phase of my life. I know myself pretty well by now and the spiritual growth I've experienced in the past 10 years has been incredible. I am in touch with the tribal energy of life on this earth, all of us being connected, from my neighbor to the soldier serving overseas, from my 15 year old cat to the lavender sprouts trying to bud in the pot outside my back door. Our energy is connected, our existence is ever-changing, and our potential to grow is inspiring.

peace, love, and belonging to something bigger...

Connecting with Mother Earth

2010-04-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

"I want to touch the earth. I want to break it in my hands. I want to grow something wild and unruly." (Cowboy Take Me Away by the Dixie Chics)

A line from one of my favorite songs. I may later blog about other lyrics to this song--the whole thing inspires me. But today, I'm attached to this very first sentiment in the song. I have been spending some time in our designated garden space, turning the soil, adding the compost, monitoring the sun that hits our spot at different times of the day, more filtered by our growing trees than anticipated. This is our little postage stamp of land on this great Earth. To pick up a clump of that red clay and watch it crumble, then mix it with what used to be our morning fruit or the veggies the kids wouldn't eat but is now dark, moist soil, I'm making it better. I'm creating an environment that will in turn produce fruit and vegetables for us to eat (if the sun hangs a little higher in the sky as summer approaches). Working in the garden, cleaning up the wooded area in my backyard, and managing the vine that crawls across my deck makes me feel connected to Mother Earth and connected to my true self.

This vine that I speak of that invades my back deck is incredible. I LOVE it. I call it my fourth child. Once spring hits it's dry, brown coils magically turn bright green--and it starts crawling. It has devoured the railing of the deck. It has crushed several tiki torches that had the misfortune of being placed along it's path. It is WILD and it is UNRULY and it is wonderful.

It takes work. I have to go out there and train it to go to acceptable places. After paying it no attention for a few days, it has been know to wrap it's legs around the porch furniture. I am constantly having to free my wind chimes that get smothered by it's unsupervised growth. And this vine is tough. I can yank and tug to break up masses that form in order to redirect individual sprouts. It doesn't care. I think it likes the attention! It stays green and keeps moving.

As I was out there today I drew the comparison between this vine and my three other children. They are occasionally wild and sometimes unruly. They are free thinkers and complete individuals. They bring me great and abounding JOY. They frustrate me at times with their stubbornness and their aggressive behavior. They creep around sneakily and take hold of what strikes their fancy. They see what is right in front of them, not looking beyond toward any final destination. Their energy is palpable.

I wonder if I was like this as a child. I hope that my mother reads this and maybe even posts a comment. I know I challenged her, was sometimes hard to tame, took my own path regardless of which way she and my father were directing me to go. Did I inspire her as my children inspire me?

There is something about the green of this spring vine--the color speaks of newness, naivete, freshness, hope. I wish that we could all see this in the young people around us. I truly wish that we could all see this in ourselves. As Bob Dylan said, "He who's not busy being born is busy dying." That vine just goes dormant for a few months out of the year, but it always comes back, searching for the unfound, eager to explore new territory, vibrant with life.

I wish that for all of us.

peace, love, and being "fresh"~

Day 5: You're Already There

2010-03-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

I'm going to conclude my 5 days of Feng Shui tips with the core understanding we have to have in order to make this wonderful practice work for us. It's all about energy. We are energetic beings with a complex system that moves and flows and communicates. Everything on the Earth is made up of moving particles that vibrate on a molecular level. Dynamic energy surrounds us, from the soil beneath our feet, to the dandelion that sprouts from the ground, to the dry leaf that falls from the tree, to the bird that flies overhead, to the waves that crash on the shore. All of the energy in the world around us works in a magical and fluid way to create an ever-changing state of being. Change is happening in every moment and this makes an undeniable connection between everything that exists on Earth.

There is another energy present though. Within the beating heart and breathing lungs and thinking brain, we have the essence of our true selves. The power we have to make our own decisions, to love, to fear, to experience joy, and to connect on a deeper, more meaningful level. And with that part of our selves we give another level of energy to seemingly inanimate objects. The piece of art that lifts your spirit each time you glance at it. The tattered blanket your child cannot sleep without at night. The dining table around which you remember sharing meals with your family for decades. The piece of jewelry sitting in your drawer that brings back thoughts of a past love and a broken heart. This may not seem like palpitating energy but it undoubtedly affects the energy of our spirit and is part of this web of existence.

Remember the concept of energy attracts like energy from science class? Our thoughts, actions, words, and beliefs are energy, and what we think, do, say, and believe is going to attract the same to us. As author Mike Dooley says, "Thoughts become things...choose the good ones!" To truly have positive change in our lives, we need to believe that we are already there. We need to speak like we are already there. We need to act as if we're already there. We need to embrace the idea that everything we want out of life is already within us, we just need to make it part of our reality. Affirmations and visualization are wonderful tools by which make this happen. And I am a huge believer in gratitude. When we stop to be grateful for the many blessings in our lives, we realize that we already have everything we need.

I recently read that according to Chinese philosophy, action and contemplation together equal a balanced life. That made me think of Feng Shui and what it takes to create the life that you desire. Feng Shui tells us how to arrange our environment to open up the pathways for positive energy to come into our lives. But we must make these adjustments with intention. There must be the internal, spiritual work that goes along with moving things around. This is what gives the adjustments their power. The words Feng Shui are translated to "wind and water"--the unseen and the seen. Our thoughts and the physical world. They are a reflection of each other.

Think about what your house says about you. Does it reflect the person you believe, deep down, that you are? Does it support the person that you you are striving to be? Does your everyday environment leave you inspired to move down the path to your true bliss? There is a lot of work involved, Feng Shui being one step in the journey. It's time to get started. Time's a wastin'!

peace, love, and NAMASTE!

http://www.cristinzinspiredliving.com

Day 4: Power to the People!

2010-03-18T12:36:00.000-07:00

It often happens that when I advise people on placement of their furniture during a Feng Shui consultation, they respond with "oh, that makes sense!" A lot of Feng Shui does seem like common sense, but something blocks us from drawing these conclusions for ourselves. When your furnishings and accessories are arranged for optimal flow of good energy and with special attention paid to balancing the elements, we get a feeling of "ah-ha! and ahhhh..." Keeping the "power position" in mind when laying out certain pieces is key.

Your bed is a place of rest, regeneration, and intimacy. Its placement and its surroundings are very important for a healthy and prosperous life. The first thing to ensure is that your bed is not directly lined up with the entrance of the room. If you are laying on your back in bed and look down past your toes, you should not see out the door. This is extremely bad Feng Shui and should be changed straight away. Although you don't want your feet heading out the door, you do want to have a view of the door from where you lie. There are many other things to consider when arranging a bedroom, such as equanimity, and use of mirrors and electronics. But if you can see the door when you're laying in bed, that is a great start.

When sitting behind your desk, whether it be in the work place, your home office, or the "kitchen table office", you should also have a direct and clear view of the door. If the orientation of the room or the furniture doesn't allow for this, a mirror should be placed on the wall in front of you so you're not surprised by anyone entering the space. With the optimal seat you have command of the room--a seat of strength and security.

When considering where to put your couch, your favorite leather chair, or your dining room table, a clear view of the main entrance to the room should always be an objective as well. Fact of the matter is, the design of the room may not always allow for this. Again, mirrors work magic, announcing a new entrant to the room by their reflection. Feng Shui offers many solutions to tricky design problems, and each space is unique. If you're living with what you love, you can make it work.

If any of this seems particularly challenging for you, let me help you move some things around! If you're in the market for a new sofa or office furniture, I can help you chose what is right for your space and for the goals you have set. You can visit my website, http://www.cristinzinspiredliving.com, to learn more about my approach and my consultations--I'd love to help!

peace, love, and only welcome surprises...

Day 3: Under the Rubble

2010-03-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Spring is right around the corner and one thing I am always driven to do is get down on my knees and in to the corners and scrub all those places that don't see the light for so many months. The tradition of thoroughly cleaning the house in the spring can be traced back to several countries' traditions around the holidays that happen this time of year, or just for the fact that the windows can be open and dust and fumes can be swept outside. No matter where the tradition came from, there is an intrinsic nesting that happens this time of year, and it is a really good thing in Feng Shui.

Clutter is the first thing that needs to be addressed when looking at improving the Feng Shui of a space. If energy cannot flow freely, it gets stuck and stagnant and this can reflect on the quality of your life. If you live amidst clutter and chaos, that is what lives inside you as well. If our mission is to live a peaceful, happy, and vibrant life, the junk has got to go.

Are you a "stuff in piles to deal with as I go" type of person, or are you a "shove it behind a closed door so it's out of my sight" type of person? Either way, we all have work to do. When you walk into a space, notice where your eye goes. If it goes directly to a pile of old bills on the counter or to a bookshelf overloaded with nick-knacks, know that that is where the energy goes as well...and that's where it gets stuck.

You can't hide anything in Feng Shui, so if you risk your life every time you open a closet door, or your car hasn't been in your garage for months, it's safe to say your life is jammed up somewhere. Think about the last time you took a day to clean out a closet. Remember how good it made you feel when the task was complete. You felt lighter, you could breathe better--you felt free! Am I right? Imagine if you always felt that way--that's what we're striving for!

Live with what you love is a good rule to live by. If you don't love it, let it go. If you donate it or give it to a friend, maybe it's just what someone else has been looking for to make their heart sing. And by getting rid of the old, you're making room for new and more auspicious things to enter your life. Take a close look at your "collections" and be sure they're still meaningful to you. If they are, keep them tidy and sparkling. If the stack-system works for you in dealing with paperwork that crosses your desk, just make sure every item is in an active state. If not, file it away for another time. A lot of times, especially this time of year, it's a good idea to just clear the shelves, empty the racks, pull everything out and give the surfaces a good scrubbing. As you do so, think about the good fortune you have had to fill your life with so many treasures. As you put things back, if you see that they're not so much a treasure to you anymore, then purge them. You'll feel so good when you do.

If you look around your house and simply don't know where to begin, give me a call. A Feng Shui consultation is a great spring treat to give you a fresh start and some good perspective. There's so much you want to do, don't let your material belongings bog you down. Don't start off the season of new growth with the things of the past prohibiting your own personal promise. Get yourself out from under the rubble, polish things up and allow your inner light to shine!

peace, love, and big trips to Good Will...

Day 2: Water, Water Everywhere!

2010-03-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

Feng shui works to balance the five elements of wood, earth, metal, fire, and water in an environment. When we have a good balance of these elements we feel most peaceful and in harmony in our living or working space. Have you ever walked in to a room and felt uncomfortable? Maybe you've spent time somewhere that left you feeling anxious or impatient, or even unmotivated for reasons you couldn't explain? It's highly likely that there was an imbalance of these key elements--too much fire or too little water--something was just "off." On the flip side, I hope you've enjoyed time in spaces that make you feel at ease, like you didn't want to leave, like it hugs you when you walk in. This environment is probably comprised of a nice collection of each of the five elements.

Each element, in excess or in deficiency, can represent a change in the lives of people living in a space. Attending to the Feng Shui of an environment helps to support what we all want in our lives: good health, prosperity, joy, and love, to name a few. With good intent while practicing Feng Shui, paths can be open for good energy to flow in to your life. If you feel like good things simply trickle into your life, or if you notice your mailbox being flooded with bills, the water element might be something to look at a little more closely.

Water represents prosperity and can be very supportive for finances and career. There are certain areas within a living or working space where water can activate the flow of positive energy and improve these facets of your life. This is something I can walk you through and give you recommendations for with a Feng Shui consultation. I encourage you to take a look at my website at http://www.cristinzinspiredliving.com to learn a bit more about Feng Shui and my services. In the meantime, I'm going to leave you with some practical tips to always keep in mind.

When we think of the presence of water in our homes we automatically think of the bathroom. In this particular room water is moving very quickly and if not tended to can literally and figuratively flush your money down the drain. Keep the lids to your toilets down and the drains to your sinks and tubs closed if possible. It is very important to repair leaky sinks or showers immediately. Adding some plants or even bamboo towels in the bathroom introduce the wood element which draws away some of the water energy. The element of earth also achieves this so using earth tones and ceramics in the bathroom can be very supportive.

Kitchen sink, dishwasher, washing machine, garden hoses -- keep 'em clean and in good working order. I know last fall we had a big flooding problem in my part of the world, and my New England friends are dealing with that now. My advice, as you mop and dry vac and sterilize in your boots and soggy clothes, is to stay positive. Remind yourself that you have a strong home and a strong family and a flood of water cannot uproot you. Bring some more of the earth element, which works to dam up the water, into your home. Before long you'll be past this tough time and your attention can be turned to your spring garden where working with wood (flowers and herbs) and earth (dirt) will further ground your prosperity.

So this week, contemplate how you feel when standing beside a rushing river versus a slow-flowing creek. Sometimes it feels like we're riding the rapids, but if we keep our intention pure and our attitude positive, we always find the shallow pools and find that peace again.

peace, love, and fountains of good fortune...

Day 1: Welcome to my home!

2010-03-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

I am going to do five consecutive days of feng shui topics to commemorate this last week of winter. One of the main principles of feng shui is that everything is always in a constant state of change. The seasons are a wonderful example of this, and since living in good balance with nature is one of the things we strive to do with feng shui, I thought this would be a good time to embrace change and teach you all a few things you can do to create harmony and peace in your home.

There is no better place to start than at your front door. The main door to your home is very important in feng shui and this door should be used every day. I know many of us enter our homes primarily through the garage, the kitchen door, or some other entrance, leaving our front door to just sit there and look pretty. I encourage you to use this door whenever possible. This is the primary entrance for good energy to enter your home, and your using it keeps that flow active. If you're not using this door, ask yourself why. Is it not convenient? If so, consider changing where you park. Is it a pain because the lock sticks? Oil it up! Are there bushes that poke you when you approach the front door? Cut those babies back! Even if you come and go from this door to walk your dog or check your mail, that is bringing vital energy to the threshold of your home.

If a guest comes to visit you, what is the path they have to take to get to your front door? Make sure it is safe and well-lit. A meandering walkway is always better than a straight shot to the door. Think about how you feel when you're driving down a curvy country road as opposed to a long, straight highway. It just feels more easeful. Make sure there are pretty plants and flowers to look at and to soften the hard lines of the walkway. And in some cases it's appropriate to have a walkway from the street and the driveway so visitors don't have to dodge between parked cars or trudge through the grass to get to your home.

Once that visitor is standing at your front door, what do they see and how do they feel? Your front stoop should be welcoming and cheerful. Cobwebs, loose bricks, old newspapers, and a tattered mat don't leave a good first impression. Again, make sure this area has good lighting for the evening hours--safety is always the first consideration in feng shui. Just the attention you give to keeping this space clean and fresh does wonders for welcoming positive energy into your home.

You greet your guest (and your good energy) at the door...what next? Does the door open fully and freely or does it bang in to a basket of dirty shoes when it opens? What is in the entryway to welcome you in? Consider putting something there that makes you feel at home when you enter, something that reflects the people who live there and the impression you want to give people when they first arrive. This is the first place to make a statement about the rest of your home.

Many homes have staircases that run right down in the front entry way. Obviously, if this is how your house was designed there isn't much you can do about it. However, this layout is not ideal for the free-flow of energy throughout your floor plan. Placing a mirror on the wall at the bottom of your staircase will help discourage good energy from shooting out your front door. Another trick is to not stair-step pictures on the wall in your stairwell. Encourage the energy to meander down the stairs by creating a horizontal display, or by skipping the artwork all together.

In feng shui there is an energetic map that relates specific areas of your home to different areas of our lives. The front door, in almost all cases, will fall in one of three areas: helpful people and travel, career, or knowledge and self-cultivation. Depending on where your front door lies on the front plane of your house, distinct colors, shapes, and materials in your entryway can support these areas of your life. This is definitely something to be mindful of, and if you'd like some help determining what area this is for you, consider contacting me for a feng shui consultation. It's a fun and fascinating process to see how your environment relates to your life. And it's exciting and empowering to gain new knowledge of how you can create more harmony and prosperity by making conscious changes that are in alignment with what you want out of life.

I'm off to take a broom the corners of my front porch and deal with an unsightly pile of extension cords to the right of my front door. Check in again tomorrow for some more feng shui inspiration!

peace, love, and welcome mats....

Hints of Spring

2010-03-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

Last night we had to put our 14 year old kitty down. My husband got she and her sister the year before we met. She saw a lot in her long cat life, and her life was good and ended quickly. I am blown away by the number of lives, human and pet, that are ending. As I posted about a week ago, my reality has seen a lot of these heavy transitions lately. But God willing, winter is ending and I'm looking to follow the earth's energy of spring and look outward rather than inward. This is not about me. It is happening and I have no power to change it, I only have the power to decide how it effects me. I feel a sadness for all my loss, but I am comforted by my faith, by trusting that God knows when each loved one's time is complete here on this earth. And others need me. I'm the one who comforts, lifts spirits, and finds the bright side. It's time to get back to that work. So what can I do? What can I do to not continue to be so self-absorbed, so consumed by grief? I can follow the advice I give to others all the time--give. When you feel like things are being taken, give something away. When you feel like things are slipping through your hands, fill someone else's cup. Instead of focusing on the sadness I have within me, take all the love I have within me and share it. I'm tired of examining the things that are happening around me and trying to figure out why? It's time for me to begin doing.

I'm going to start off with cupcakes. Yes, cupcakes. It's giving to me and giving to others. I love to bake--it is comforting to me. The warm oven, the smell that envelopes the whole house, the exacts of 1 teaspoon of this, 1/2 a cup of that. So don't be surprised if you find a half-dozen little packets of love on your doorstep this afternoon. It means I'm thinking about you, I'm thankful for you, and wishing you the hope and happiness that comes along with springtime. Ahhhh...I feel better already.

peace, love, and icing covered gifts of love...

Healthy Habits

2010-03-02T06:15:00.000-08:00

Almost two years ago I made a conscious decision to cut out partially hydrogenated oils, high fructose corn syrup, and food dyes from my family's diet. I would say we are successful with this about 85% of the time, and I'm happy with that. My son became an avid label reader, and for a while even dictated to me the sugar grams in every packaged food he came across. It was spurred by the desire to be proactive instead of reactive when it came to my children's health. Again, my son has been the primary motivator for this, since he was the fussy baby. Not wanting to pump his little body full of anti-gas formulas, I cut out dairy and certain vegetables from my diet. After chronic ear infections in his second year of life, we began taking him to a chiropractor. Not only has he had maybe one ear infection since then, I also truly believe that regular adjustments helped him with his developmental delays, in conjunction with the other arsenal of modalities: speech therapy, occupational therapy, clown therapy, music therapy, special needs preschool, and social skills groups. With all this work I was doing with him, changing the way we ate was more than I could take on when he was younger. But once we got out of the forest a bit and got him in to kindergarten, I was determined to put healthier things into his body.

My daughters are great eaters. They love most fruits and vegetables and will try about anything I ask them to try. Although what he is eating is limited in range, what my son consumes is pretty good for him. I make fresh salsa for him a couple times a week and on the back of an organic corn chip, he gets his vegetables. Right now his fruit is limited to green or purple grapes. I'm hoping he'll eat the banana waffles I make from scratch tomorrow morning, if he assumes they're just plain old waffles. Moms have got to be sneaky.

There are several cookbooks out about how to sneak healthy things in to your kids' food. I've tried them, but my kids are purists. They like their meat, their vegetable, their starch, all in their separate corners of their plate. No sauces with eggplant mysteriously mixed in, not even baked goods with chickpeas disguised as butterscotch chips. That's fine with me. I like the idea of exposing them to whole, real foods and if they don't care for them now, we'll try again later.

I want my kids to have a good relationship with food. They pretty much ask permission most of the time before they eat anything and although I sometimes feel like the snack police, I like having that control over what they put in their bodies. It's not always going to be like this. But that's why I keep the focus on health and fueling our bodies, so when they're out with their friends they can make better choices because they are educated. That's not to say I deny them treats. They have plenty of those, and my youngest daughter is quite a junk food lover. I don't want to forbid these foods because that can backfire and they'll binge the second I'm not monitoring them. Heck, even I like to sit down with a box of girl scout cookies and a glass of milk once in a while.

And to look at my kids, they look like healthy kids. Of course, my aggressive use of sunscreen on the girls' milky white skin keeps them quite pail all year 'round (my son has that beautiful skin that picks up a warm glow as soon as the temperatures warm above 60 degrees). Their body types are quite different, but they are lean, strong, flexible kids. I hope to instill the value of a strong body in them so as they develop in to preteens/teenagers/young adults they can resist the pressure to keep up with the magazine covers and the hottest pop star. That is an ambitious goal--I struggle with that as a thirty-something mom. But I tell them (and tell myself in doing so) that this is the body God gave us and it's our job to take good care of it. We can't make it taller or shorter, we can't move a freckle, we can't pick different ears. As Forest Gump said, "I am as God made me." We need to be grateful for our limbs, our senses, and our full range of abilities. Put healthy things in our body, keep it moving, and it will serve us well for a long time.

peace, love, and an organic apple a day...

Heavy Things

2010-02-27T14:26:00.000-08:00

Heavy things have been happening lately. I'm talking big life transitional things. I'm talking the biggest life transition--from life on this earth to the next phase. I had two close family members pass within 3 days of each other. I flew home to New England to be with my mom, siblings, cousins, and aunts and uncles. As happy as I was to be surrounded by those beloved people during that time, I craved the closeness of my husband. In the two weeks following that time back home, I learned of five other deaths in the lives of people close to me. Two precious dogs of friends have died this week. What in heavens is going on?

I know that the energies of the past year have been rocky and tumultuous. The state of the economy is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of the unsteadiness of the past year (and beyond). There has been a general sense of instability, of anxiety. The energies that are being ushered in now for the upcoming year are supposed to be more abiding, more calm.

We have been huddled up under our blankets and in front of our fires for months. Where I am we haven't seen as much sun as we typically would, even for this time of year. The air has been damp and heavy. The earth is dense and wet. My yard is covered with branches from the wind on the already stressed an brittle trees. But spring is coming. The seasons are one of the few things that we can count of for sure. Change is inevitable, and the seasons remind us of that. Before too long the sprouts will start showing up on the bushes, the birds will start visiting our backyard, and my favorite vine will turn green again, preparing for the bloom of it's gorgeous aromatic purple flowers. The sun will warm the ground, the kids will play outside again, we can open the doors and let the fresh breeze waft through the house. I keep telling myself that this day is coming. I try to close my eyes and visualize it. I have been shopping for sundresses! But I step outside and I am reminded of the heaviness that still surrounds me, that is still within me.

I need to allow myself to feel. To feel the sadness and reality of what has been happening. It is all outside of my control. I can't affect these events. These are heavy things that evoke true emotion. That aching deep within me that I can't shut off by saying "everything is going to be okay." I know that everything is, in fact, going to be okay, and I know that feeling this pain and sorrow is natural and necessary. I am just allowing myself to feel it, with hope that as the spring creeps in to each morning a little at a time, so will this feeling fade.

And I need to let go of the desire to figure it all out. I've been seeking some explanation for why this has all been happening in this short span of time. What does this mean for me? I need to just sit and surrender to the place of not knowing. That is where my faith comes in. Faith that there is a larger plan, beyond anything I can attempt to explain or justify. I know that I will be taken care of. I know my children and my husband will be taken care of. I want to soften and open my heart so I can receive the lesson or message that will guide me through this upcoming time of new life, new beginnings, and out of this cold, dark, heavy time. I won't forget this period or the people who have passed, but there is growth on the other side.

I woke up this morning and closed my eyes, bare feet on the mossy ground, breathing chilled air through my nose, and I listened to the birds. Chatting back and forth to one another--I wonder what they were saying? I was happy to hear them again. Their chatter fills me with hope.

peace, love, and tiny green shoots...

Experiences & Relationships

2010-02-23T10:09:00.000-08:00

Experiences and relationships. These are the two most important things for me to have on my life's chart. Six months after my youngest child started elementary school I'm still struggling with the stay-at-home thing. In my head my value is so attached to my contribution, and I am having a hard time letting go of the idea that this has to be monetary. I've toyed around with different "jobs" I could do--feng shui consultant, marketing assistant, nanny, caterer, cheese girl at Whole Foods. But then I consider the sacrifices I would need to make in order to make me feel like I'm making this kind of contribution.

My husband and I made a decision a long time ago that I was going to be the mom that was home with the kids when they were little, and was there to get them off the bus as they got older. I am the one that takes them to their sports and music classes, doctors appointments and the park on sunny afternoons. My husband does his share of all of these things as well (he made a decision to be a very involved dad). But I sacrificed a career so my children could have a parent to do these things for them. No one way is better than another, but this is what my husband and I wanted for ourselves and for our family. And for me it was an easy decision. My college roommate reminded me the other day that this is what I've always wanted to do. How did I manage to forget that?

I am giving my children the opportunity to have really cool experiences of their own. And I am having the full experience of being their mother. That fills me up! Financially right now, I don't need to have a job. Would it make things easier sometimes? Yes! But we are fortunate right now that my husband makes a fine living--and he doesn't have to sacrifice to do it! He is pretty flexible with his hours, he's excited about what he does, he has to travel very little, and he's home at a decent hour every night. So I think, if it's not to help support our family financially, why would I give up this wonderful job of full-time motherhood for a paying job?

I am a creative person. I was steered down a path of business when I was headed to college. After college I found a nice balance of business and creative in marketing. I never considered being an artist or a musician or a dancer. But looking at myself now, 15 years after graduating, those vocations seem much more in alignment with who I am. I am energized by the study and practice of feng shui, and I can see making a job of this in the time I am not with my children. To think of spending this same time in an office job makes me feel the exact opposite. So I guess what I'm saying is that I can envision having a balance of work and mothering, but as long as it's not driven by a need to provide, it has to be in alignment with my spirit.

I had the honor of writing the first draft of my uncle's obituary recently; to write a brief snapshot of a 66 year life. Not quite sure where to begin, I conducted some research on the internet. The standard format for a traditional obituary is to list the name and age of the deceased, where they were from, and then right on in to their occupation and professional accomplishments. My uncle worked, when the work was available, as a pilot--totally in alignment with his spirit. It made me ponder how my life could be summed up in this traditional format.

My life is rich with experiences. I find things that make me feel joyful and I do them. I am engaged with my three gorgeous children every day. I life in a beautiful part of the world and I take advantage of what resources are available to me locally. I enjoy a lifestyle that the majority of people in the world can never experience (this too I was reminded of by a dear friend). I'm living the American dream, right? What on earth do I have to complain about? Would bringing home a paycheck really make me feel like a complete person? How does it make my husband feel when I tell him I am not fulfilled in my life? What more could I want?

I am changing my perspective. I talk a lot about living with gratitude, but I haven't been fully walking that walk. I am now focused on being thankful for my LIFE, as it is right now. I have to make some difficult choices, but they are nothing compared to the choices many need to make every single day. And when someone sits down to reflect on my life, there will be a long list of experiences that will spark memories for many. But the gems in my life are the relationships I have made through living it. This is what I want my legacy to be. The things I have done, and will do, are great, but I've met really wonderful people along the way. I've touched people's lives, and they have touched mine. Sharing life's moments with others is the true gift.

At this point in time, I am living a vibrant, balanced, blessed, and authentic life. I pray that I can continue to do this as I venture in to my feng shui consulting, as challenges arise (as they always do), if my talents are needed for financial support of my family, as I am inspired to have new experiences, and as life changes. The only true constant is change, and I aspire to live graciously through it all.

2010-01-28T10:59:00.001-08:00

I was looking through some of my old electronic folders in my computer and ran across this journal entry I typed in August of 2006. My kids were 5, 3-1/2, and 2, none of them in Elementary school yet. And the end of the summer--always a low point for me. I'm just run-down by that point.

Am I a control freak? Am I too selfish? I want to drink my coffee and start my day peacefully. I want my kids to play together, not fight every chance they get. I want them to talk to one another instead of dealing with everything through their hands. Continuously throughout my day I am breaking up fights, scolding one or all three, time-outs, creatively taking away privileges. And the crying. It seems to never stop. How can a mom listen to her three children cry so much and still maintain her composure? Did I not discipline them enough? Do I know exhibit enough love? Am I thinking about myself too much and what would make me happy?

Deep down I know that they are better off for having me at home and not working. They all 3 would be at daycare from 8-6 every day. They wouldn’t know each other as they do. Maybe they also wouldn’t fight this way. They are bored. I don’t do enough to entertain them. They watch too much TV. At least they sleep well.

Why do I feel so strong on some days and so terribly weak on others? What makes the difference? Is it my hormonal cycle? Is it what I ate or how much water I drank the day before? Is it how I wake up in the morning? What would happen if I turned off the TV right now? How long would it take for all hell to break lose? Is this mothering?

They are getting older. It’s getting easier. They will be reasonable some day. Some day. “Before you know it”. I feel like I’m hovering near the bottom right now and it’s hard to come up to a content level of existence. There is going to be something bad that happens that sends me plummeting…and I can’t see something so good happening that it will lift me up. So I can try to talk myself up onto the little cloud of happy mommydome, but I’m learning as hard as I try I don’t have full control over these things. And something bad will happen to push me back down. That is so negative. I know that doesn’t work. I know it is up to me to create my own happiness. Forget about the coffee. Forget about the peace. Take a deep breath and smile at the kids. Let them hug me and climb all over me. Then take your time. Be deliberate with your movements. Be selective with your words. Start rallying them up now so you’re not rushing. Take a deep breath. Look into their eyes and remember when they were babies.

And eat well today, drink lots of water, be very mindful at yoga, don’t try to do too much. Accept today for what it has to offer. And take another deep breath.

I found this as I was working on my 2010 goals. It's good for me to read. It's good for me to embrace that motherhood has not changed so much for me in those 3-1/2 years, and to look ahead 3-1/2 years when the kids are 12, 10-1/2, and 9--I could probably write the same journal entry. They'll be fighting, they'll be physical, I won't be in complete control of my environment. It will also be important for me to stop what I'm doing and let the kids climb all over me. I'll need to be mindful in yoga, and slow down, and look at my kids while smiling as I remember them as babies.

I'm curious to know--if you have little ones now, do you feel similarly? If your kids are a bit older, maybe middle-school aged, do I have it right?

My mantra for this year is "I'm already there." This is meant to remind me that I can't look into the future and say things are going to be better "when..." I am already there. Now is what matters, and my world looks exactly as it needs to look in order for me to be happy and content. If I remember that now, tomorrow is going to be so much better than I could imagine anyway.

peace, love, and retrospection...

2010-01-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

I love to talk about how the Universe speaks to me and sends me messages that somehow explain events that happen in my life, or my mood, or what my next move should be. Sometimes it's a song that comes on my radio, or an unexpected phone call from an old friend, or a passage I read in a book I haven't picked up in a while.

What about the messages that seemingly tell me to stop what I'm doing, or refocus, or to not move forward? With children there always seems to be some emergency, some fire to put out, something that seems to take priority over anything I would want to do for myself. I guess that's the case if you have children or not. Why is that? Why is there such guilt or feeling of selfishness when it comes to being good to ourselves? It's wrong.

When my printer wouldn't work to print out invitations to a workshop I'm conducting, was the Universe telling me that I shouldn't market the event? Maybe I shouldn't even be holding this event at all!

Sometimes we need to look at those challenges as motivators to get us out of our comfort zone. Create a new way to translate what the Universe is saying. Putting out frustration and doubt will just bring that same energy back to me. I don't want that! If I conjure the spirit to overcome and the determination to achieve my goals and maintain my focus on the desired outcome, then all that positive energy is going to come back to me. Thinking of it that way makes an uncooperative printer seem so inconsequential. I called on a friend to help, and she did. What a gift to me, and to her. It feels good to know you have people you can count on in a pinch, and it also feels good to be that helpful person to someone else.

So from now on I'm going to have selective hearing when the Universe talks to me. I will gladly take those positive messages and allow them to nudge me forward along my path. But when I hear a message that is the equivalent of a flashing "proceed with caution" or a flat-out red light, I'm going to challenge myself to find the opportunity for growth or ingenuity or compromise in that situation. God, Goddess, the Universe--my own spirit--wants me to succeed. It's my own thoughts that can sabotage that and I won't allow that to happen.

peace, love, and bright green lights...

2010-01-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to think of something in life that is as wonderfully forgiving as yoga. I just love that I can walk in to any yoga class anywhere and feel like I'm not being judged or laughed at. In fact, it's quite the opposite. A yoga class is one of those unique environments where you're alone, but also surrounded by supportive energy and connected to the people sharing the class with you. Well, now that I really think about that, I guess a yoga class isn't unique in that--that's life! It reminds me of a quote I jotted down while watching the movie "P.S. I Love You" the other day. "You're all alone no matter what. So now, all alone or not, you've got to walk ahead. Thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."

The whole idea behind yoga is that it's a personal experience. It's a body/breath/spirit practice each and every time you do it. I've been practicing yoga regularly for many years and I still can't always get my heels to the floor in downward facing dog. I'm a little bit lower in my split, but only a little bit. I'm much better at arm balances, but have so much room for growth. As my instructor was guiding us through class today she likened yoga to life in that it's in the challenge that we grow stronger. If our minds are wandering and we lose our focus then we need to push ourselves harder. Pull back on the inhale, go deeper on the exhale. And if it hurts, stop! Our bodies tell us when we've reached our limit and we need to listen.

I've realized that I've been daydreaming less the past six months or so. I used to gaze out my kitchen window and imagine I was doing dishes at my waterfront cottage, cleaning up after fixing a healthy snack of fresh seasonal fruit, preparing to jump in my kayak tied up right outside and go exploring. I'd like to think that I'm more mindful, being more present in the moment, but I'm still working on that. I think, however, that I have developed a greater sense of happiness with life as it is right now. I've been doing some things that are out of my regular routine, if you will. I traveled to Italy by myself for a week. I built a website and started a Feng Shui consulting business. I'm working on workshops and presentations. I'm pushing myself a little further and my mind hasn't had the opportunity to wander. Just like yoga!

And living in balance--that challenge and ease, that forward movement and rest--that's an aggressive goal! A body in motion stays in motion, but you have to listen when your body says it's had enough for now. When your kids or your husband say, "hey, we haven't seen you in a while", or when you look out your window and see your tulips have popped out of the ground and you wonder when spring arrived--you've got to listen, and breathe, and relax on the inhale. Those are those moments in between when we gain our strength and maintain our balance.

peace, love, and savasana...

2010-01-04T14:47:00.000-08:00

I had a neat encounter today that I want to share. It's one of those seemingly arbitrary occurrences that has left me inspired and thoughtful. First, I must share a bit of the back-story, and I'll try to be brief and succinct.

My kindergartner came home with lice a few weeks ago. For anyone who has had to deal with these pests, you know it's not fun, for parent or child. It involves treatment that takes no less than 2 hours on short hair, then for me it was a trip to the laundromat to wash and dry everything in the house in hot water. Anything else needs to be bagged up and put away for two weeks. Then it's continuous laundry for weeks, re-treatment every 7-10 days...it's a nightmare. I have friends that went through it last year and I've realized that lice is something pretty much every mom is going to have to deal with at some point.

Three or four weeks later the pesky invaders have found their way to my third grader's head, and her hair is twice as long and three times as thick as my 5-year old. They were discovered on the evening my husband went on a 6-day vacation, so it's all on me. Pulling myself up by my bootstraps, we start the treatment (takes much longer on this mane of hair!), start the laundry, and start vacuuming everything. Momentum has taken over and I'm grateful for the lose schedule that comes along with my husband being out of town. Then the dryer broke.

I set the timer, pressed the button to make it start, and the button pops right back out. How, oh how, am I going to stay on top of this mess without a working dryer? Remembering when my washer was broken and I wound up paying a repairman $85 to literally tighten a screw on the lid, I thought I'd explore the issue myself. Ironically enough, I was talking to my husband on the phone from his cruise ship when I zapped myself. Not static electricity like my husband thought, a jolt of electricity shot through my body. Not fun. Not a huge deal, but not fun. Enough to make me call the repairman so I can keep this circus rolling.

When I called to set up the service call they tried to convince me that the dinosaur of a dryer might not be worth fixing. Not ready to shell out the hundreds of dollars for a new machine a week and a half after Christmas, I set up the call for today.

The repairman had a really cool accent, was probably in his early sixties, and was sort of handsome if I'm being honest. Turns out he was from some little country around the vicinity of Russia, Ukraine, and Poland. I'm always curious how these men, skilled with machines, end up at my doorstep. Where has their life path been that has led them to my house this particular day? Anyway, I led him to the laundry room and began explaining the problem.

Low and behold, I set the timer, pressed the button, and the damn dryer was working just fine. Button stayed in, everything sounded like normal, I couldn't believe it. Who in heaven is teasing me when I need to be doing laundry?! Why didn't I continue to check it throughout the day while waiting for this guy to show up? What is it with the washer and dryer that is sucking my dry, one service call charge at a time?

So with a grin on his face and that cool little accent, the repairman says:
"You are lucky. You are lucky, and I am lucky too. First you are lucky because you don't have a broken dryer anymore. Second you are lucky because you did not hurt yourself when you got shocked. I am lucky because I don't have to do work on your dryer. We are both lucky because we have God and God loves us."

At that moment I just opened my heart to what was happening. He was right. He was right by all accounts. He charged me $40 instead of the $60 trip charge and assured me if he had to come back to repair the dryer there would not be another trip charge. I understand that he works for a company that has overhead and was on a schedule and came to my house--to see me turn on my dryer. I do understand it. But instead of thinking about what I could have done with that $40 if only--if only what? Who knows why my dryer decided to start working again. All I know is I was standing there with a complete stranger in my laundry room talking about how God listens when you talk to him. And maybe it took me going through all that...heck, maybe even the lice, to really have that resonate with me.

I believe in God and I believe he listens, but I don't talk that much. Now, people believe in a lot of different things. The message I'm trying to get across is, in times of stress and chaos, we all need to slow down. We need to pause, and breathe, and ask for the guidance that we need. Whether it's a higher being or our own spirit...if we take the time to ask the question and then remain open to receiving the answer, it will come.

Today I wasn't asking why the kids have lice or why the appliances keep breaking down. I was asking how I make sense of the seemingly constant frustration and things not going according to plan. I was asking for guidance through these challenges so I can have peace in my nutty, whirlwind days. I was grateful to have this man knock on my front door today. And I'm grateful that my dryer works again. Next up--the electrician. A lamp blew up this evening and I've had it with my scary, shotty sockets. I wonder what I'll learn from him!

peace, love, and warm, fuzzy blankets just out of the dryer...

2010-01-03T15:14:00.001-08:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about ambition again. New Year's resolutions and all--looking forward 10 years, 5 years, a month from now. My good friend dictionary.com says that ambition is an earnest desire for some sort of achievement or distinction, desire for work or activity. It's so subjective though, and again that is partly due to what society affiliates with success. To attain a goal, no matter what that goal, if you work to achieve it, whether you succeed at doing so or not, you have to have some ambition.

Right now I feel like my goals are not so grand, but my ambitions are. Being a mom means at least some of my accomplishments are going to be tied in to my children, and that is serious business. But it's so important for me to think of myself as separate, and to work toward things that are for me and me alone. And because I take my job of raising these little ones so seriously, I am careful about setting my goals for myself too high. My gosh--what higher goal could a person have than to raise her children well? Who says big ambitions are powerful jobs or a beach house or to run a marathon? Living a balanced life is a big ambition in and of itself.

There is a story that is leading me to think through this a little deeper today. There is a young man born without eyes or the ability to move his arms or legs. He is a talented musician playing in the University of Louisville marching band even though he is in a wheelchair. His father goes to all the practices and games with his son, pushing his wheelchair through all the choreographed maneuvers on the field. He attends classes with his son so that he can have a college experience as much like the other students as possible. The father changed his job so he could work nights and accompany his son during the day. When I read the interviews I learn that this father is happy, and fulfilled, and proud.

I'm sure this man had goals and dreams before his son was born. To have a child with a disability means life as you imagined it is changed. Honestly, I think to have a child period changes life in ways you can't imagine. But this father is so selfless and gives all he has to make his son's life as good as it can possibly be. Is he unambitious for himself? Did he abandon the long term goals he had set or did he postpone them for a later time? Did the meaning of everything just change through his experience with his son, this shining spirit that seems to know no limits? If he is happy and content and proud, then he is successful. His state of being is one to admire.

For that father to be fulfilled and to live each day knowing that he is doing what his heart tells him is right for him...it's inspiring. It leads me to look outside the box of what the typical goals are, what I have been striving to do, and to think more of who I want to be. I think if I keep my focus on living a life I can feel really proud of, what I'm supposed to do with it will become clear to me. For now I have three little people counting on me to show them how to navigate through an increasingly complicated world. And I love being their Mom. Now, I'm going to go there and say that I love it, but it doesn't fulfill me. That's not it for me. I don't know that I could be the parent going through the motions of a college student with my child. I'm not sure what it is that is going to fill me up, but I have faith that I'm on the right path to find it. In the meantime, I am so happy. I love my life, and I love the quest.

peace, love, and meaningful goals...

2009-12-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

The theme for the lunchtime request hour on the radio today was songs that represent 2009 for you. The three requested songs that I heard during my time in the car were Walking the Tightrope by Stevie Ray Vaughn, Under Pressure by Queen, and Mercy by Duffy. None of those songs spoke to me; they all seemed a bit negative. Sure, the economy of 2009 has made things tough for everyone, and my family is certainly no exception. But before I start scanning my iTunes for my song of the year, I wanted to reflect and recap what my year was about.

For the past couple years I have started January with my husband away on his annual music cruise. I actually really love this time. I ease through my days on my schedule, I write and read and eat healthy food and get some good rest. By the time he comes home, the tension and chaos of the holidays has melted away and I have had some good introspection time to ground me.

I also started 2009 with a vigorous study of the chakra system. I have been interested in exploring how Feng Shui can help with our health and through reading and yoga workshops I learned a good bit about the mind/body/environment connection. There is still more I want to incorporate in this area--sounds like a great goal for 2010 as well!

Attending church was a consistent spiritual practice for me in the first part of 2009, as my daughter received her First Communion in May. We have a church that we love that leaves me inspired each and every week, and often brings me to tears through the power of the amazing music performed at each mass. Looking back, I see that this really anchored my intentions and was a weekly reminder to stay focused on being the person I want to be every day. This too piddled out a bit as the year went on. I'm beginning to see a pattern here...let's see where I go from here.

I had the good fortune of having a dear friend in San Diego to visit in February, a long weekend I made by myself and thoroughly enjoyed. I caught up with some very special people in my life, and ended my time away with my first paragliding experience! How invigorating! And if you're ever in San Diego, make sure to take the time to visit the Self-Realization Fellowship Temple in Encinitas. It is so peaceful and beautiful...I could spend a weekend in their gardens. I ended February with a performance of devotional chanting by Krishna Das which was a moving and centering experience.

I entertained my design side by attending the Junior League Tour of Kitchens in March. This was a great opportunity for me to step in to some beautiful homes and fill my brain with ideas of what works (and what doesn't). It also reminded me that it's not square footage that makes a home; good energy can be found in small bungalows or large estates. Good flow, pleasing colors, a balance of elements, and simple organization can make any space a masterpiece.

Looking back through my calendar, I realized that once spring hit my focus switched pretty quickly and heavily to the children. A week in Orlando, end of school year activities, then right on in to summertime. Those summer months are always a challenging time for balance. There's a lot fun; swimming, play dates, later bedtimes. But yoga, personal time, reading...these all go by the wayside for a few months. Come fall, my bank is usually pretty empty. New teachers, new classmates, new rules, and general transitions means focus on self is still difficult once the kids are back to school.

This fall, however, I had a wonderful trip that demanded my attention. I was taking my dream trip to Italy. My youngest child started kindergarten and I was rewarding myself for eight years of being a stay-at-home Mom and getting all my kids off to elementary school in one piece. It was a trip of a lifetime (to date!) and the planning of it occupied most of my free time until I returned to my real life in the end of September.

The rest of the year I returned my focus to myself a bit and the direction I wanted to go now that I am an elementary school empty-nester. My website was built, my blogging began, and plans started underway for networking and Feng Shui presentations. I don't feel as mindful as I did in the beginning of 2009, but I am motivated and moving forward, and maybe that's just where I need to be right now. I am quickly approaching the first week of 2010 when I will turn my attention to what I want to accomplish in the next year and am excited to break it down into short-term goals and steps that will keep me consistently moving forward throughout the year. All the while, one of my main objectives will be to remain present and content in the current moment, embracing the joys of my everyday life and the gifts that are all around me (especially the ones that call me Mom!).

So this all started with what song I would use to capture 2009 for me. Now that I've gone on this journey of remembrance, I will listen to the lyrics more closely to see if I can identify my theme. All in all, it was a great year! A year of introspection, fun, and forward movement. I am very excited for 2010 and the birth of my consulting business, and working to find the balance between my passions and my duties. That is something I wish for everyone!

peace, love, and resolutions...

2009-12-14T10:49:00.000-08:00

It is hard to resist the definitions of who we think we are supposed to be, based on what society tells us, our family tells us, or the media tells us. There are so many influences out there that lead us to think we should be something different than exactly the way we are. As hard as I resist it, I want to look as cute in those jeans, have a healthful meal on the table for my family each night, and have a smile and some make-up on my face when my husband comes home from his job.

Everyone wants to be happy. Different things make different people happy. Ghandi said that happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. When I meditate, practice yoga, write in my journal, read, and listen to music I feel really in control of what I am thinking. I am more present, more aware, more attuned. When I watch too much TV, spend too much time with people who gossip or are pessimistic, or when I burn the candle on both ends I feel like those messages from the world around me really cloud my ability to feel deeply happy. As I write this I realize how in control I truly am of my own wellbeing. I can make choices in my life that lead me the way I know I want to go, the way I know feels right and true for me. Easier said than done sometimes, but that knowledge is something I can come back to when I'm struggling.

I tend to be a blabbermouth...well, that is my perception of myself at times. I'm pretty open and when I get excited about a topic I tend to get louder. I actually kind of like these aspects of my personality. But one of the worst feelings is when I think back to a conversation and regret having said something. I rarely, rarely, say something to hurt someone else. I am keenly aware of the energy this puts out and the damage it does. For me, it more often would be a slip of the tongue, or just divulging too much of my own thoughts and wandering in to that land where I might offend someone else. I worry about doing this--I probably worry about it too much. In general though, I feel like I have positive things to say and I hope that people hear me expressing myself and not passing judgement on them. I guess that is the best that I can do.

And the best that I can do--if I feel at the end of each day that I did the best I could then, yes, I'm happy. I teach my kids this too. Some days are better than others but I feel like my intentions are always in the right place. So thinking about true happiness, I see that it all starts with my thoughts, and I find it interesting that this is the most challenging part for me. I have my own definition of who it is I want to be, and that has nothing to do with the Jones', or a political party, or generations of women who came before me and did things a certain way (or didn't!). I know what I have to do to feel like I'm on the right path--like I'm living a true representation of my spirit. How empowering is that?!

Thanks for reading my blog today...this, apparently, was just what I needed!

peace, love, and enlightenment...

2009-12-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

Have you seen some of these news stories on "hoarders?" These people live amongst filth and garbage because they physically and mentally cannot let go of anything. Sometimes it's sentimental, sometimes it's fear, and I'm sure there are dozens of other reasons why people exhibit this behavior. If we're honest with ourselves, we can all probably admit to holding on to material things longer than necessary. We call it clutter, or a "collection," or just stuff, and it fills our attics, closets, bookshelves, and garages. What has happened, though, is things that once gave us comfort are now dragging us down.

Have you ever just attacked a closet and cleared it out? Bags hauled to goodwill, last season's clothes packed into storage, your favorite shirt from college thrown in the garbage? When you finished the job, like items grouped together, shoes all aligned, everything neat and orderly so you can see everything in it's place--how did you feel? Were you breathing deeper? Did you feel a sense of calm, a clearing of the mind? That newly gained energy makes us want to open the trunks of our cars and dig to the back of the pantry and keep the projects going!

All of our belongings hold the energy of our memories we associate with them. We should look around our homes and be uplifted by what we see. When a couch reminds you of the ex-boyfriend you bought it with, and that's not a good memory, away it should go. And if you can't stand your living room lamp or you're embarrassed by your dining room rug, get rid of them. You don't need to go out and replace them right away...just wait. Get that item that is drawing positive energy away from you out of your house and see what happens. Maybe you'll run across a great sale on lamps and you'll find one that casts a warm, cozy glow on your space. Maybe you'll find that your dining room is much more appealing with the bare floor under your feet. If you don't love it, let it go--and who knows, maybe it will be someone else's treasure.

This year as we were pulling out our Christmas decorations I was reminded of my husband's eclectic collections of baubles he used to adorn his house with when he was single. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, passed to him from various people, some created by him in silly moments of creativity. When we moved in together they stuck around for a little while. But one year I just couldn't bring myself to stick the tinsel toothpicks in my houseplants one more time, and we purged it all. We began our own collection of holiday decorations that represented us and the life we were building together. There wasn't room for his bachelor decor any more. This year we sorted through the dozens of homemade ornaments from the kids' preschool years. Some are so precious we proudly hang them on our tree. Others, well, we decided we don't need gaudy foam angels to remind us of how cute our kids were at three. Some were thrown away, some we set aside to pass to them when they're older and they can decide if that glittery star with their face in the middle makes their heart sing or not.

Simplify. Get rid of the old to make room for the new. Live with what you love. For each new thing you bring in to your home, let something else go. Reduce, reuse, recycle. All great lessons to live by. And all strong messages of Feng Shui! If you need some help getting started, give me a call! Sometimes we need a little nudge to get the process going. After all, there are many reasons why we do the things we do. However, I promise, once you get rid of your "stuff" and clear the space, you'll be so glad you did.

peace, love, and purging...

2009-11-25T17:52:00.000-08:00

Take time to give thanks, make time to be giving.
I'm going to stop and think twice about the way that I'm living.
Did I say a kind word? Am I proud of my actions?
You know, a job well done give me satisfaction.

Can I earn your trust, your love and affection?
Just one step at a time in the right direction.
Going to aim for the sky, keep my feet on the ground.
Raise my voice to the heavens, make a joyful sound!

Can I sing for my supper, and play for my rent?
I know it sounds funny, but it's how my time's spent.
Greet every day with full purpose, with passion and pride.
I'm going to follow my heart and have nothing to hide.

A moment of insight--I know why I'm here.
You know, when the time just stops I see it all real clear.
I've got to set an example, make some mischief and fun.
Do unto others and play a fat bass run.

I got to work hard every day, and give it my best.
Grab hold of fear and negativity and lay them to rest.
I know my time here's important. Can I do the right thing?
Practice patience and forgiveness, feel the joy that they bring.

Can I lay down tonight without feeling regret?
I know the love that I give becomes the love that I get.
Well, do you hear what I'm saying? Making sense to you?
Well if you feel it in your heart then you'll want to sing too!

Na na na na na na na naaaaaaa...make a joyful sound!!

I don't want to sound preachy, make you feel all wrong.
Just want to write some kind of lyrics, sing a feel-good song.
It's kind of hard to explain, this feeling I get
From making music, making love, getting both feet wet.

Well every piece to the puzzle snapped tight to the groove,
I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and let my feet move.
You know, I feel a little better now for speaking my mind.
Send good vibes in circulation and see who they find....

One of my favorite songs, Joyful Sound by String Cheese Incident.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

Operation Baby Years--completed

2009-10-31T08:07:00.000-07:00

I took two of my kids to the park the other day. I didn't pack a diaper bag or push a stroller, I just grabbed a bag of goldfish, a bottle of water, and my book and off we went. The fenced in play zone was full of princesses, Star Wars characters, and cowboys. Sweet little Halloween costumes on toddlers and preschoolers, running, exploring, challenging themselves on rope ladders with the secure hovering hand of Mom close behind them in case they had taken on too much.

I plopped myself on the ground and savored the quiet time while my kids wandered around and took it all in. It has been a while since we've gone to the park. With 3 kids 3 years apart, the park was always very challenging for me. The oldest running to find other kids her age to make new friends, the middle always ready to find something new and dangerous to climb on, and the youngest either strapped to my chest or patiently entertaining herself in her car seat as I whirled her from one corner of the playground to the other. Once all 3 were mobile, forget it. I just couldn't keep up. Now I had one at a play date and an 8 year old and a 6 year old who were big enough to not get seriously hurt if they fell from the tallest part of the play set. I was finally one of those Moms who could savor some "me time" and not continually dart visually from left to right counting the heads of her children.

"I just pee'd in the woods. Is that funny?" I looked up from my reading to see a little cowboy glancing down at me inquisitively. I giggled and said, "Yes, that is kinda funny. Is that supposed to be a secret?" He just paused and walked away. Oh, little kids make me laugh! By the swings I caught a conversation between Moms about how different the park is now that their child is walking, interrupted by warnings of walking in front of the swings and the dangers of eating bark. I'll admit, I don't miss those conversations. I'm all done comparing notes on developmental milestones, teething, and mysterious rashes. It is so important to be around other Moms that are at the same stage as you when you have little ones. I was there for many, many years. But I wanted to read my book--I had no interest in engaging in their conversation. That was their time.

My two were climbing up the slide, practicing gymnastics moves on the bars, and watching these little people with wonder. When had we stopped living in this world of pull-ups and velcro shoes? It looked a little foreign to my kids, and frankly, I felt a little bit of the same. When you're raising kids, you can't really declare yourself officially done with one phase and on to the next. The borders are blurred. We're all in Elementary school now, but we're still in booster seats, I'm still brushing their teeth for them, and a snuggle from Mommy can still make a bonk on the head feel better. If I could look into the future a few years, I'll bet I'll be nostalgic for these days.

I watched as my son helped a little boy on the final steps of his climb. The little boy turned to my 6-year old and said, "thank you, sir" and ran away to continue his adventure. I found this to be hilarious, and I could tell my little guy felt like a pretty big kid at that moment. He still occasionally wets the bed and has a meltdown about once a day, but to the current regulars at the playground, he's what they're all working hard to become. And with that, I will declare myself officially done with the baby years, and proud to have made it through with three little role models for the current regulars at the playground.

This week's inspiration

2009-10-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

"Inspired Living"
The name was born out of the inspiration I was finding almost every day in books, magazines, songs, conversations, nature...wherever. I have been gathering little nuggets of inspiration for years and sometimes an old gem comes back to inspire me. Something old is new again!

"As comedian Phyllis Diller says, 'Cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.' If your other family members don't like it, they'll learn to pick up your slack. Goddess knows you've picked up their slack from time to time."
~ excerpt from The Mother Trip by Ariel Gore

It's not the house cleaning part that has me thinking this week, it's the slack part. Slacker is just not a word I would normally use to describe myself. Frankly, it doesn't describe me right now either, if you ask me. We are being financially wise and are finishing the concrete floors in our basement by ourselves rather than paying someone to do the dirty work for us. Notice I said "we" and "us." My sweet husband has been saying "we" and "us" when he talks about this project (yes, honey, I have noticed)--sort of in the same way I say "we" and "us" when I talk about earning the paycheck that keeps a roof over our heads and food on our table.

My husband is finishing the concrete floor. I patched a couple nail holes, I cleared out some furniture that needed to be moved, but he's the one sucking in the fumes, using muscles he hasn't used in years, listening to his ipod as he scrubs and brushes and mops and rinses and dumps and mops again...

My husband showers, dresses, commutes, sells, negotiates, kisses ass, bitches out, and generally does the deed necessary to earn a salary. He loves it and he's really good at it (what a blessing).

But it's "us" and "we" that are sustaining this family. I walk down to that basement and my eyes glaze over. As far as this project goes, I'm the slack. But I'll put together the new basketball hoop and I'll paint the basement walls...once the floors are done. I'll pay the bills, manage the debt and the savings. I'll buy the groceries and the winter coats, I'll get everyone their flu shots, I'll kiss the boo-boos (while he's at work at least). He'll probably do the laundry, we'll both help with homework. I think it's safe to say that there are no slackers in this family. Sometimes he takes up my slack, sometimes I take up his. No questions asked. That's what love is about--that's what family is about.

2009-10-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

This evening I watched as my 5 year old found inspiration from a 25 year old Polaroid of 7 Cabbage Patch dolls lined up on my mom's porch swing. She was giddy when she saw it and immediately wanted to glue it to a piece of construction paper and bring it to her teacher. She wanted to call Grandma and tell her to bring all those Cabbage Patches the next time she visits. Thirty minutes later I knelt next to her at her bed as she was deep in her creative process, designing a card in honor of this special treasure I had found earlier in a box of old photos. With her Dad's help on how to spell Cabbage Patch she then used her own budding spelling skills to write "I Love Cabbage Patch Dolls" and draw each of the seven dolls, all sitting on the swing, along with images of me (Mom), Dad, Ava (big sister), Jerry & Garcia (2 cats--one with a spot on her head), and brother Harrison (okay, I had to remind her about him).

Quietly kneeling next to her I was so fascinated by her energy, her intent, the pure felicity of this creative process. She wanted to pin her masterpiece to the cork board hanging over her bed. I just love this child's spirit!

After tucking her in bed (which took much cajoling) I came downstairs to find my 8 year old daughter just home from gymnastics. She was brimming with energy herself, and giggling as she told a story. For some reason she thought it would be a good idea to put two Halloween stamps (the ink kind, not the sticky kind) on her forehead. Usually the girls get to stamp their hands for a good workout, and to be honest, they usually end up on their cheeks the next morning because they nestle up in bed, head perched on hands in prayer position. But to put the stamps right smack on her forehead...that's just silly. And she thought so too! That's why she did it. She's 8! The free abandon that comes with being a child! I love to observe it, be in the presence of it, even try to adopt it in the most appropriate way every once in a while.

The dichotomy of it, the yin and yang of my life right now, is to witness that joy alongside my son, who does not have an active imagination. Creativity is not his thing. He has never role played, never been a pirate on a ship, a dinosaur hunting his prey, a race car driver on the tail of his opponent. I struggle to find the joy in his life--what gives him the inspiration to leave the world around him and frolic in a world of his creating. He wants it, I can tell. Of course, he doesn't really know what he's missing. He finds every form to fill out, every math sheet to complete, he wants to text message his aunt, email his friend's mom, and check tomorrow's weather online. I do catch him once in a while cheering himself on as he plays basketball in the driveway. But more often, like today, I watched as he sat in the front lawn waiting for the mailman, or laid on the trampoline watching the trees sway in the wind.

I want so badly to know that his experience as a child is as wondrous and carefree as my daughters'. Antonyms for light-hearted are burdensome and heavy. I fear that that describes his experience more. I believe in my mother's heart that one day this is all going to make sense to me, that he faced so many challenges as a young child in order to get him to the place where his spirit can soar. It's just so hard to see him go through it now, as a little 6-year old boy. And am I guiding him properly? Am I supporting him and nurturing him the way he needs to be supported and nurtured?

I know I am doing that. That boy knows how much I love him. And so do my girls. We all have our own path. In the woods behind my house growing up there were paths that were wide and worn, free from dangerous limbs or bulging tree roots. The occasional puddle that would get you muddy one day or offer you a chance at ice skating the next. And there were other paths that were more rugged, more mysterious. It was a bigger commitment to explore these paths, and we weren't quite sure where they led because not many kids had gone there before us. We all found amazing treasures and wonderlands in those woods.

We don't all have the same choices to make. Some of us are naturally drawn to the wide path, and some of us get hung up on the briers that line the narrow path. But I've got to believe they all lead us to where we are supposed to go. In our case, although the journey is so important, that break in the woods is something I look forward to finding with my son. And my girls will encounter their own individual obstacles as well, and I plan on being there then too. I guess I just wish that I could take myself, as an adult, into those imaginative lands where flowers bloom as tall as people and rainbows abound, if even for a little while. I'd be sure to take my son with me.

Overflowing Cups are free!

2009-10-14T09:48:00.001-07:00

Money.
It's such a nasty word.

Let's think about it for a second. Money is really just a currency we exchange for something that we want. We earn it for satisfactorily performing an action that is pleasing someone else. So we're pleasing others to satisfy out own desires. I see this going down a different path than my original intention so I'm going to steer myself away from the "working for the man" path and redirect toward the "do what you love" path.

The discussion of money can add so much stress to a situation. Something we've learned as adults is, unless you're in very familiar company, don't discuss money, religion, or politics. I remember never wanting to ask my parents for money when I was in high school and college because I could just see the stress in their faces. Asking for more money in a job is one of the hardest things to do. Negotiating big purchases is an art form, and it takes great skill and detachment. We have to be willing to walk away from whatever it is we're are trying to acquire--and that it stressful!

But if we pause, and take a step back, we can see that we can be just as happy and satisfied with less. Set aside the American pattern of always wanting more...bigger...newer...upgraded. You can have tulips shipped in from Holland because you love them so much, but can't daisies or roses be just as beautiful and pleasing to the senses? You can save and save to go on your dream vacation, but can't we find the same adventure and sensory experience if we take a train rather than a plane, or stay in a hostel or with friends rather than a glorious hotel? The exchange of money does not equal the ultimate satisfaction. Working and earning every day toward an idealized end is not a way to live a full and balanced life. And so often that end doesn't meet our grand expectations and we're left disappointed. Disappointed and stressed out for all it took us to get there. Bummer.

I guess this goes back to my long held "work hard, play hard" philosophy. Of course, I think there should be some sense of play in our work--we should enjoy what we spend the majority of our time doing. (Conversely, do I think there should be some work in our play? I don't know about that.) And as I get older, I'm moderating my philosophy to more of a "work pretty hard, play pretty hard." A gentler way of existing.

Maybe all of this is just a way for me to figure out how I'm going to get to Greece for less than what I spent going to Italy (which was not too bad, if you ask me). But I really believe that it doesn't have to be prohibitive to travel, to remodel, to change your style, to throw a wedding, or to feed your family healthy food. Maybe it's part sacrifice, part creativity and resourcefulness. But life is too short to not have some joy in each day and some bliss on a regular basis. To suffer day after day as a means to an end is a waste. Maybe if we can open our eyes to the gifts we have before us in each moment, we'll see that the exchange of money is not what creates happiness, but that simply living with gratitude and awareness will fill our souls. And even when we feel full and abundant, there is always room to add more when it comes to us.

I am going to try to figure out why it is so challenging to post a comment to my blog. Hopefully by the time you're done reading this I'll have made it easier. I'd love to read your comments and your take on what I post. These are just my ideas which can always be expanded upon, enhanced, or even changed based on the input of others! And if I can spur contemplation in someone else then I feel I'm being successful in my writing. So please, comment away!

2009-09-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

For my 35th birthday in 2008 I got a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings from my darling husband. For my 36th birthday this year I got this spaceship-looking composter. So romantic.

Starting in May we have been adding all of our produce scraps to this crazy composter. We eat more fruit and vegetables that I realized, as we dump about 2 large bowls of trimmings every day. We fill up the bowls with not only produce, but paper towels, egg shells, coffee liners and grounds, and leaves from the yard. The composter sits on a handy stand equipped with wheels for easy spinning of the orb. I'll admit, it can get a bit funky. We had it on the back deck but we moved it to the "garden" to help with inevitable dripping and the occasional ant visitors. It's working out much better out there and isn't as big of a topic of discussion whenever we have friends over for back deck cocktails.

A great byproduct of composting for us has been our huge reduction in curbside garbage. We have trash pick up once a week and whereas before we would fill our barrel each week, we sometimes find that we only have one or two bags of trash in the barrel. We already separate all of our recycling and take it to the recycling center every couple of weeks: glass, plastic, aluminum, cardboard, junk mail, and more. So we feel really good about reducing what we're putting in the landfill each week!

The monster composting globe was getting heavy. Spinning it was getting difficult. We have, after all, been putting two big bowls of scraps in it every day for about 4 months. Interestingly though, it appeared to only be half full. The magic of composting! So today we decided it was time to empty it out and start fresh. We took some sticks and limbs from recent storms and built a little "cage" to hold the compost. The idea is that we can come to this pile when we do our future plantings but keep the composter spinning. We rolled it down to the backyard and dumped out dark, beautiful, earthy-smelling soil. A few worms, no foul smells, and a corn cob or two that hadn't broken down.

We created a thin layer of "power dirt" to nourish our flowers and plants. Just a thin layer! Imagine all those bags of garbage that could have been hauled away to who-knows-where. Instead, mother nature took charge and broke it all down for us to use again. Love it!

Turtlenecks and turnips

2009-09-01T05:41:00.000-07:00

Blue jeans and leather jackets. Long cotton scarves and boots. Red highlights. The crock pot. Full bodied red wine with hearty beef stew--don't forget the crusty bread.

I love all four seasons. I have decided that it's important to me to live in a place where I can experience all of them. Flowing with Mother Nature and her rhythms is comfortable to me. I have always been the type of person who looks forward to the next big thing, always ready to move forward. The past few years I have really been working to live more in the present. Daydreams of what lies ahead are useful to get me through some of the monotony of my everyday life as a stay-at-home mom in the suburbs. But being fully aware of what is happening right now can be so rewarding--especially in times of change.

I have always thought of fall as a time to reconnect with the Earth, to set new goals, and to reflect on where I am. I like New Years resolutions, but they are never as meaningful to me as the work I do in early September. I would think that maybe springtime would be a more likely time to be called to start anew, like nature. Summertime is so free...it's hot (especially here in Georgia), clothes are lose and light, a dip in the pool can substitute for a day's shower, a salad and a pinot grigio won't weigh me down. Then I feel that slight chill in the air. We've had some rain, we've raked some leaves, and we don't mind so much if the kids leave the doors hanging open. Things are changing, and it calls me to ponder what is changing in me.

I've been snooping around for goal setting programs online. Getting organized with my thoughts is important in me accomplishing things. For several years I have been focused on raising the kids. Carving out time for me was one of my goals, and I've been successful at that! Now I'm finding that, with all 3 kids in elementary school, I have plenty of time "for me"--now what am I going to do with it? Like nature in autumn, it's time for me to shed my old leaves, gently. It's time to go within and start settling in for deeper growth. No hibernating, no dormancy...there is serious work to be done. The flightiness and "distractability" of summer must take heed in the attentiveness of fall.

To think of next summer, it seems so far away. We still have a full fall, winter, and spring to experience and accomplish before those long, muggy days return (although I'm sure we're not done with them this year yet!). I'm excited about the work that I can do between now and then. I'm excited to light up a fire in our fire pit. I'm excited to go barefoot on the cool Earth on the evening of a full moon. Get motivated, get organized, get focused. Get cooking! Fall vegetables, soups and stews, hot tea in the afternoon. So much to do! I'd better get on it!

2009-08-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

There is a rabbinical saying: "Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time." Give you child the freedom to explore the world for themselves. If you fear for their safety in territories unknown to you, walk beside them and explore those places together. Let your children be your guides in rediscovering the world."

Although parents wish to protect their children from danger, an important task of parenting involves allowing children to explore their own depths and the mystery of fate - which draws them into the potentially dangerous but transformative experiences of life.

Both of these passages are from "1,001 Meditations" by Mike George.

I am raising my kids as little individuals who feel strong and empowered in their decisions. I want them each to be independent and eager to learn about what interests them. I want them to ask questions and challenge themselves and others. I want to make things available and accessible to them. We're so fortunate to be living a life that can allow us most opportunities if it is important enough.

I love that high schools are now offering "internships for credit" type of situations. Expecting a fresh high school graduate at 18 to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives is just not so realistic. What a great way to try a few occupations out? And what about travelling? Learning about other cultures first hand and in person can enrich anyone! I wish travel was more affordable. I guess it's a matter of priorities. If I lived more simply now I could afford to travel more. Travelling with a family of 5 is a bit more limiting--but doable. If I really want it and think it's important enough.

I feel like I pretty much did what I wanted as a teenager. I was working so I had some money. I didn't ask for permission for much--or maybe I didn't much listen to the answer. I don't remember asking for much guidance. I had to learn for myself--and I did. I'm thankful I had parents who, although I don't think they knew what to do with my free spirit, let me be. They could have put heavy restrictions on me or sent me to some school for curious and independent girls that would have stifled my explorations.

This isn't exactly what I want for my kids though. I feel like I have some experiences they can learn from. Or at least my stories might sway them to make one choice over another on their own. But when it comes down to it, they are their own people. What intrigued me will not be the same for them. What gets their blood pumping will be different than what it was for me. And it's true, growing up in the 2020's and 2030's is going to be far different than it was for me in the 1980's and 1990's, or what their father experienced in the 1970's and 1980's. Their world as young people is so different.

So I guess all I can do is talk with them, listen to them, and allow them to be free. Free to explore, free to ask questions and challenge, free to be themselves...as they search to discover who it is they really are. That work, after all, has very little to do with me. As I've said before, I'm a guide. I want to be the best damn guide I can be. One with a cold glass of water and a foot rub at the end of each quest. I won't have all the answers, but maybe I can offer them clues. And I'm really confident that I'm going to feel so proud to know them. I already do.

2009-08-08T18:07:00.001-07:00

I'm just realizing that I'm going to have to be alone with myself for a week while I'm in Italy.

Maybe I should be doing as much, if not more, preparation for THAT as I am all the cooking classes and tours.

2009-08-04T15:23:00.001-07:00

There is a full moon coming tomorrow. My brief online research tells me the full moon is a time of abundance, strongly related to the maternal. I can affirm that I am full to the brim with maternal energy right now. Kids go back to school in a few days, the baby starts kindergarten, and the emotions are running high as far as being protective, and the struggle between holding on tight and beginning to let go. I hope to connect to Mother Earth tomorrow night, soak in her energy, and pray for guidance in supporting my children on their journey. It is their journey, after all, and I can't do it for them.

The next new moon occurs while I'm in Tuscany. The same brief online research taught me that this is a time of new beginnings, positive change, evolution and expansion. How ideal! Again, I will plan to take off my shoes (will they be the practical-yet-stylish hoofing around Italy shoes or the new leather boots I acquire on my travels?) and plant my feet on Mother Earth. I will set my intentions for the next phase of my life.

As if I didn't have enough research to do! I will remain open to receive the messages intended for me and it will all work out as it should. Take a breath, give thanks, and slow down. Embrace the work I have to do in the next week as Mama, then prepare for the equally important work I have to do as Cristin.

2009-08-02T07:23:00.001-07:00

What is success? To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; That is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

2009-07-18T13:31:00.001-07:00

A sunny 75 degree day makes you love wherever you are, doesn't it?

For as much as I daydream about my "forever place," I've been taking advantage of a lot of the delicious benefits of living in my current place.

I know that I am in the perfect place right now for me and for my family. We have a great house that I use as a creative outlet, a diverse and active community that I share with handfuls of supportive people, schools that are treating my kids oh-so right, a climate that allows me to enjoy all four seasons, and easy access to so much that makes life simpler and full.

This week alone I indulged in some things that I realize I might have been taking for granted:
~ My local YMCA, where I can get my "happy juice" as my kids call it, and they have fun in the playroom while I do my thing. I have 2 beautiful, clean Ys to chose from, both about 10 minutes away.
~ A plethora of affordable and yummy restaurants to grant me a night off from cooking dinner and some face time with my rockin' husband.
~ The North Georgia mountains...in a minimum of an hour I can be exploring trails, waterfalls, fresh mountain air, wineries, local art, and charming little villages.
~ The farmer's market in my town sent me home with juicy tomatoes and fresh homemade buffalo mozzarella, cucumbers that my girls will devour, and berries that beat any store made dessert.
~ Little boutiques that even my oldest daughter has a hard time passing by--full of creative ideas to decorate myself.
~ More Mexican restaurants than my son could ever try, all with an icy, salt-rimmed Texas margarita waiting for me.
~ A backyard that has grass and woods, a trampoline and Adirondack chairs, a gorgeous deck with outdoor speakers and a vine with a life of it's own (that makes me so happy!).

And I haven't even touched upon the amazing people that I've encountered each day of this divine, yet average, week. That will have to be a blog for another day. I also didn't venture into the city this week. Again, another blog for another day.

So when I daydream about where I am going to go to find my bliss, maybe I should stop...stop and sit in a hammock, kayak down the Chattahoochee River that runs 10 minutes from my home, have a cup of coffee with a neighbor, water my flowers, or take a swing with my kids in the backyard. Maybe I should consider that I may already be here.

2009-07-11T11:17:00.001-07:00

I challenge you to think of a new way to answer the following question:
"What do you do for a living?"
Life should be a balance of work and play, family and friends, rest and activity, vegetables and chocolate...
The whole idea of "earning a living" is hogwash. No one has to earn the right to be here. We all deserve to be here and to be happy. If there were to be a description of how to earn a living, I would say something like living a benevolent life, as a positive example to others, caring for our planet, and embracing the gifts that we all have to offer. Finding a way to pay the bills while staying true to these virtues is the best of all worlds. And I guess that goes back to a previous post about doing what you love and the money will follow. But I also like to remind my children that "to whom much is given, much is expected." There are times in our lives when we are givers, and there are times when we are takers. It's a beautiful circle that keeps us in balance.
So how will I answer that question the next time I'm asked--"what do you do for a living?" What is my lifework?
I'm going to ponder that for a while and I guess I'll have to get back to you.

peace, love, and good karma~

2009-07-10T15:24:00.000-07:00

Live with what you love.

This rule is a big part of Feng Shui. Our belongings carry energy and are alive with our memories and associations we attach to them. Surrounding ourselves with things that lift our spirit, make us feel nostalgic, and give us comfort is just plain a good way to live. When the alternative is to surround ourselves with items that depress us, make us remember bad times, or are harmful in some way, it seems like a no-brainer. But getting rid of our stuff is not always easy. We hold on to things for various reasons, motivated by different emotions, pressures, and fears. I can think about a mirror, a pair of jeans, a family heirloom, an unopened Christmas gift; and feel confident that I'm not alone when it comes to clogging up my energy with belongings that don't serve me.

What I've been expanding upon lately is the idea that "live with what you love" can carry to other areas of our lives. Again, thinking of the life energies we work with in Feng Shui, I can see how our careers, relationships, finances, and more can be negatively impacted by accumulated junk.

~ Give and you shall receive. When money is tight or bills keep flooding your mailbox, volunteer at a homeless shelter or clean out your closets for Good Will. Giving away what you have, be it time, used household items, or your positive energy to a friend in need, opens up space for good fortune to come to you.

~ Do what you love and the money will follow. When day in and day out is spent in uninspiring, meaningless work, your life energy is depleted. Focusing your energy on one of your passions is a much better way to live your life. I'm not suggesting that quitting your job and playing your guitar in your living room is a good strategy, but I think you get the point.

~ If you take the opportunity or pass on the opportunity, is your life going to be any better or worse? This idea just makes me think about happiness and contentment. The gravity we put on some decisions is just not in alignment with our core values. Some choices we're faced with can really impact our lives in a positive or negative way. Most will not.

Today's musing is "live with whom you love." Thinking of the people we surround ourselves with...why would we chose to spend time with people that bring us down or make us feel bad about ourselves? We could analyze our choice and try to discover some hidden part of our personality that is drawn to the negativity. OR, we could just chose to not spend our precious time with them. There are many people we encounter on a regular basis that we must coexist with--it's not a matter of choice. In these instances it may help to make a conscious effort to not let this person's energy affect your own...create your own happiness despite the obstacles around you. And make sure that this is a small fraction of your time so you can focus on the uplifting relationships in your life.

By surrounding ourselves with authentic people that make us laugh, make us think, make us feel good...we fill ourselves up and thus have more to offer the people we encounter throughout our lives. It's really a win-win situation. It's Feng Shui for the soul!

So what are you going to get rid of today?

peace, love, and recycling...

2009-06-30T12:07:00.000-07:00

"It is a glorious privilege to live,
to know, to act, to listen, to behold, to love.
To look up at the blue summer sky;
to see the sun sink slowly beyond the line of the horizon;
to watch the worlds come twinkling into view,
first one by one, and the myriads that no man can count, and lo!
the universe is white with them; and you and I are here."
~Marco Morrow

Bloom Where You Are Planted

2009-05-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

We lay down our roots
Those roots grow stronger, deeper
They nourish us
The earth keeps us safe and sheltered from the elements

The stem is our backbone
It keeps us strong and growing each day toward the heavens
Life travels up and down its path as
We stand tall and strong

We sprout branches
There is no pattern or standard size or direction
They draw from their foundation
Wildly stretching toward the sun

With care and hope and optimism a tiny bud forms
It eases itself open, ever so gently
Full of color and ripe with nectar, confident
Ready for all the abundant opportunities!

Mama Bear evolved

2009-05-05T08:15:00.000-07:00

"Out of all the little boys in the world, why did God chose to give me the very best one?"
"Because you are perfect for me, and I am perfect for you."

Partly inspired by Dr. Phil, partly my own maternal material, I've shared the nightly presence of this bedtime exchange between my son and I with many people. It is one of the proudest moments of my day.

It has not been easy to be his mom. But you know what? No one ever told me parenting was going to be easy. Looking back to eight years ago when I first became a mother, it wasn't easy then, even with one of the sweetest, most divine babies God ever made (she is still divinely sweet as an almost-eight year old).

God looked at me and decided that this little soul needed to be put under my care. He looked at our family, what it was and what it was to become, and precisely chose him to be a part of our curvy, bumpy puzzle. With him in it, with all five of us in it, our puzzle is complete. The picture it produces is a beautiful sight.

The Mama Bear syndrome is something I'm curious about and like to explore. I've just realized recently that I've matured as a Mama Bear, no longer as concerned about what others think and more concerned with my own thoughts. It used to be I was afraid I was being judged as a mother if my children misbehaved or did something odd. Or I was afraid that someone else's internal dialogue was asking, "what's wrong with that kid?" Now I've truly come to accept that these children are not mine to sculpt and control. These are three unique individuals who are growing and developing through their own personal experiences in the world. I am here to guide them, to keep them safe and healthy. I try to set a good example of how to live a balanced life. I want to inspire them to be aware, grateful, thoughtful, responsible, confident.

So now when Mama Bear comes out, I'm defending the person my child IS. Someone commented the other day that my son didn't listen to what anyone told him to do. That would have put a pit in my stomach a couple years ago, sending me into a swirl of feelings of inadequacy. Mama Bear leaped out this time declaring that my son is very self-motivated and that trait is going to serve him well down the road. This statement/criticism came from the same person who didn't understand why my three year old was permitted to chose her own clothes each morning. He didn't understand until I explained it to him, then I think he was on board. My children have caused me to think differently, and maybe now I can help others to think differently.

I have something to learn from my son--many things, I'm sure. I will advocate for him and I will celebrate him. I am so grateful to have been able to be home with him every day during those early years when we were all just trying to figure it out. And now he's showing me that this is who he is. He has not made it easy, and for that I'm thankful. I am a better mother and a better person for having to struggle and persevere. And at the end of each day, to be able to look in his eyes and express that unconditional love, I feel that I am doing the job God assigned me well. I feel proud and successful because he knows how exceptional he is. He is a gift to me and I so look forward to discovering all he has to teach me as he grows from a boy to a man. And hopefully he'll find plenty to learn from his Mama Bear as well.

This week's inspiration

2009-04-29T10:46:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how the legalities of this work, but this is an excerpt from Everyday Blessings - The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn. It was as if I was supposed to read this chapter this week--it really spoke to me.

Who's the Parent, Who's the Child?
The demands of the age we live in, its time pressures, economic pressures, and social pressures, all coalesce to rob our children of some of the most precious qualities of childhood. There is a dreaminess to childhood, a moving slowly from one thing to another, that gets torn away under the pressure of time. children now are prematurely pushed to be independent because the parents need them to be. They are growing up more and more in a physical and emotional vacuum, raised by TV and their peers rather than with the guidance and support of adult men and women.

There is certainly enough anguish in the circumstances that befall families, through age and through disease or accident, not to compound it by creating unnecessary emotional burdens and prisons for those we love out of the automatic habits of a lifetime, and to fulfill our own unmet emotional needs. To bring this domain into greater focus, we might ask ourselves what the unwritten and unspoken emotional rules were in our family of origin.

A friend once described only being visible to her father when she spoke with him about his work, which was in science. Only when she failed her pre-med courses did she realize that she was on a path that wasn't hers, and began to focus full time on her art work, incurring the strong disapproval of her father. The tacit rule was, "I am happy to approve of you as long as you do what I want."

These tacit understandings are different in different families. In some, the parents' emotional needs dominate; in others, emotional needs are ignored completely. Unspoken patterns are set up for the benefit of the people with the most power, usually one or both parents. Appeals based on guilt, shame, devotion, duty, responsibility can all be used to manipulate and coerce children to maintain such tacit patterns, leaving little room for the child to have and express his or her own feelings and needs.

Some parents only know how to feel close and connected through their wounds and their pain. they unconsciously want their children to feel their pain with them and, sometimes, to carry it for them. A subtle entraining may take place between parent and child--wholly beneath the conscious awareness and intention of the parent--in which the child learns to tune in to the emotional needs of the parent, often without anything being said. Rather than the parent being empathic and compassionate, the child takes on that role and is expected to empathize with the parent's feelings, troubles, and stresses. The child becomes predominantly "other-oriented," acting as the parent's confidant, a sympathetic ear. The child's own feelings, needs desires get buried. The son may become a "good boy," the daughter and "good girl," at the expense of their own feelings, their own inner selves. The only other choice they may feel they have in order to hold on to who they are is to do something extreme, such as reject their parents completely, get into self-destructive behaviors, run away, or become isolated and remote.

Children have to develop their own sense of self before they can be aware of other in a balanced and healthy way. They need to know how they feel, what they need, what they want. They also need to learn how to communicate appropriately in this domain, and to feel a sympathetic emotional responsiveness from those around them. As we have seen, this is a major responsibility of parents: to actually behave as adults, and respond to and meet the needs of their children.

When this happens, over time children naturally learn to be more aware of other people. They begin to experience what it means to engage in dialogue and have a sense of "the other." They speak, the other listens; the other speaks, they listen. Hopefully, they begin to have direct experiences of reciprocity. Through having their feelings and needs listened to, responded to, and by being able to put their trust in others, they develop the skills needed to have full, reciprocal relationships of their own. In general, this takes some time to develop. For some children, it may be a process, unfolding over many years. For others, it may happen at an early age.

When children feel the latitude and safety to say how they really feel and how they really see things, it is only natural that they will challenge their parents a lot. One of the most frustrating things for us in our family has been our children's skill and certain ages in turning any situation around and making us into the bad guys--making it our fault--making us wrong. being able to acknowledge their own involvement and responsibility takes children a long time, and a lot of patience on the part of parents.

10 Years Ago

2009-04-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today marked the first of several events that changed me, that catapulted me into adulthood. I may pretend to still go back to the naivety and irresponsibility of those days sometimes, but it's just an act. I can't go back to who I was before Columbine.

I was 25 years old, about six weeks away from my wedding day. I was consumed by last minute details: flowers, food, music, transportation, church. I was working my butt off in a job I didn't like any longer. I was trying to focus on the marriage and not the wedding. But, it was all about ME. Well, April 20th changed that for me.

I couldn't take my eyes off the images I was seeing on the television. I felt like those were my peers running for their lives. I felt like high school was just a peek over my shoulder. I cried and cried over that tragedy. Emotions were running high anyway, I know. But what about those kids? What about their families? What kind of world were we living in?

Fast forward a couple months. The wedding went off almost without a hitch. And the hitches were inconsequential...it was beautiful. I was a newlywed. And although we were definitely in the honeymoon period, I was finding the transition from fiance to wife a bit challenging. I felt different. So many people who lived with their spouses before getting married claim that things were the same after saying their vows. Not for me. I was now the "woman of the household." We were going to eat balanced meals, landscape the front yard, my husband would not walk out of the house wrinkled, we would send out thank-you notes on monogrammed cards.

Then John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s plane went down with his elegant wife and her sister. Now, growing up half way between Boston and Cape Cod, I felt like the Kennedys were extended family. I forgave them their many flaws and embraced the royal family of Massachusetts as part of my line of ancestry. So what happened? Was it foggy that night? Were they fighting on their way to a cousin's wedding? Were they really gone--or was it all a hoax because they were tired of the merciless spotlight? I cried and cried. I felt a bit silly, since he really wasn't my uncle's sister's brother once removed. But I was emotional. Life was fragile, I was learning. Things were getting stirred up within me.

About two weeks later, on my husband's birthday, I was watching the clock at my draining job when something happened. I can't recall exactly how the events unfolded, but we learned that there was a sniper in the building and he had shot several people. Apparently, he was a day trader and he lost his mind and went postal on a bunch of people in my office complex and across the street. [Side note: day trading psychos and disgruntled postal workers of the past...makes me think that we are doing okay in today's wobbling climate. Or at least I'm not hearing about it, which is fine with me. Then again, maybe I've just hardened to the daily dose of angst I get from the news.] Long story short, we spent the day crowded in a center room without windows, crouching down as we whispered on our cell phones to find out what the latest reports were. We got the word the shooter had fled, and later, over steak and martinis (we continued on with birthday plans), we saw that the shooter was killed. Or did he kill himself? I don't know. I just remember being pissed off. I mean, what the hell?! Enough, already! I held my husband tight that night, and I'm sure I cried and cried.

Ten years ago this August our dear friends Christie and Wiley Long celebrated their 10-year anniversary and treated a bunch of us to a divine week in Jamaica. It was 7 days of floating, eating, drinking, laughing, and sleeping. When I came home I quit my job. Life was just too short.

You know, looking back I don't remember myself as an emotional person. I was very level-headed, looking out for others and putting on a strong front. Although it wasn't a front--I was strong. I still am. But I emote, and I love it. I feel things deeply now, and I wouldn't have it any other way. That was a rough year for me in many ways, but it was so wonderful as well. In about 6 weeks I'll celebrate my 10-year anniversary with a man I love deeply. I have three unbelievable children for whom I would do anything. My job is to be a Mom and manage my household, and it's the hardest job I've ever had. My goal is to live each day with joy. Because life is too short not to.

What I LIKE

2009-04-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

I came to this conclusion a few days ago...I don't like--well, what is it I don't like? Strip malls. Chain restaurants.

I am enchanted by the idea of middle America. Cute little neighborhood diners and family-owned hardward stores. I love local artisans. I love local chefs. I much prefer writing about what I love rather than what I don't like!

I love little villages. Local charm that oozes out of historic cottages, and coffee shops I can walk to early in the morning for a fresh cup of french roast and a crusty peice of something. A neighborhood bar where locals gather any time of day to find comfort in the familiar.

Colors! Not concrete and stucco--unless it's salmon and torquoise (although I've never been to the likes of New Mexico or Arizona, this is what I envision there--and what an art mecca!). I like to steep in the culture of a place. And even in what may seem like the simplest of towns, there is rich culture to observe. What is culture? (I love to look up words in the dictionary.)

Culture: The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought.

I love it!

As I sat in my Orlando condo, filled with all a Disney-visiting family could need, I craved everything that place was not. Something unique. Little visions to feast the eyes on. Fortunately for me, I have 3 little visions that I devoured for the week. Their shining faces in the shadow of that giant castle were art in it's purest form.

We ran across a crane family of some sort one afternoon. Mom, Dad, and fluffy little baby...in the back parking lot of a mini-mart. We fed them some Doritos. They were so used to humans, we thought they might jump right in our minivan. They were teaching their little baby the way of man. The Mama was feeding her baby Doritos right out of her thin, pointy beak. What kind of birds were this new breed? So sad.

Little wooden homes, sometimes unnoticeable from the street, incorporated into the natural flora and fauna of a place. Wildlife undisturbed. Indigenous plants growing wild--not sculpted in to extraordinary shapes or patterns. Natural paths gently encouraged to lead me to the next reflecting spot. Always they in the lead though.

The trickle of water, or the flow of it. I could sit and watch water flow, well, I don't know for how long. I'd like to say I could do it for hours, but I may need to work toward that. For now, in the suburban home that I love (and don't like at the same time), I'm going to focus on the listening to the water--really listening. I'm going to watch the dozens of birds in my backyard. I'm going to feel the soggy ground under my bare feet. I'm going to smell the wet pavement, because that is what I have. All of this is mine to experience, if I take the time to pause and pay attention.

A Fresh Start

2009-04-03T07:21:00.001-07:00

I always look forward to starting a new journal. I see it as an opportunity to make a defining statement about where I am in life. Who I am. What I'm grateful for. A springboard from which to jump in to regular explorations of the little fibers that make up the fabric of who I am.

This blog is my acknowlegement to myself that maybe I have something to share. Maybe I can help people through being honest and unafraid of examining the choices I make on my life's path. I make choices every day that affect how I grow and who I become. I tend to think a lot about that spot around the corner; that little park bench under the shade tree that looks out on the calm water, where I will sit and understand. I will be at peace in my soft golden aura of joy. I'd like to look honestly at what this spot, this very spot on which I'm standing on the same path, right now, what it looks like. And how do I get this spot to look like the one around the corner? It's a choice. A choice within me that I have to make. It's possible. Do I not feel worthy of that seat on the bench? Am I afraid that there will be nothing else?

I have a dear friend who took me on a guided meditation to discover what my life's purpose is. This is what I dug up and revealed: I am here to listen, to guide, and to love.

Listen. Guide. Love.

After sitting with that, and the whole guided meditation experience, for a few days I began to think of what I could do to turn my life's purpose into a career. Fulfillment and contribution have been big topics of mine for some time now. The struggle to feel that being a stay-at-home mom is enough. The guilt of knowing that I want more. A desire to be challenged, and to express my creativity through my work. A feeling of responsibility to my children to be an example of a woman who can be a mother and have a career of my choice at the same time.

What am I supposed to be doing? I wait for the signs. I am open to the messages that may be sent to me indicating how to manifest my life's purpose in to meaningful work. Then fear pops up. Hello, self-sabotaging behavior! Nice to see you again, procrastination! Let's sit down and have a glass of wine, shall we?

As I stand in this spot, this spot that today I realized is maybe just a lower altitude on a peak in my life and not, in fact, a valley, I ask myself, "what am I supposed to be doing?"

Maybe I'm already doing it.

Listen. Guide. Love.

That is what I'm going to work with next.

peace, love, and little drops of water...